Total pages in book: 129
Estimated words: 126580 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 633(@200wpm)___ 506(@250wpm)___ 422(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 126580 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 633(@200wpm)___ 506(@250wpm)___ 422(@300wpm)
“I don’t know what you expect me to do about it? You’ve been around enough. You know how she feels about me. I check on her, but I try and stay away as much as I can. She’s a drunk. Sometimes she’s worse than other times.”
“I’m not saying you should do more.”
He was talking gentle with me. I could feel his pity, and I hated that.
He added, a gruff drop in his voice, “I’m saying maybe you should step back completely. Your mama, things in the past shaped how she is today. It ain’t your fault. No one thinks that, even her, but she’s angry. It’s turning her bitter and hard. She’ll get worse.” He looked away, and it was then I clued in that he was nervous for this talk. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down once before he looked back to me. “I had a talk with Leo one night. He said he’s worried about you. Can feel something’s going on.”
I gritted my teeth. “He say my work performance is slipping?”
“No. Your work is up to usual standards, which is high. You’ve always been a good worker. That ain’t the issue, but we get feelings in this business. You know it. I got ’em when I was overseas, but so does Leo. Something’s off with you. We think it’s time you step back from checking in on your ma. Totally back off. Let us step in. We’ll take over.”
They thought it was my mom bothering me.
A wave of relief and guilt hit me all at the same time.
“What are you proposing?” My voice cracked.
“Stop worrying about her. Leo and me, we’ll check in on her every day. I ain’t married, and neither is he. We’re old bachelors, know this is how it’ll be for us for the rest of our life. We got some extra time carved in our daily. He and I both care about her. I been taking care of your mama since we were in sixth grade. This ain’t no different, but you’ll just know I’m watching over her. You step back. Stop worrying about her, and do your thing. We got her. We’ll have your back on this.”
The thought of not worrying about her? Because she weighed on me. Every day. I gave up a long time ago trying to get her to stay sober, but I got her to stop going out. She drank at home. She was a danger only to herself that way, but even in that way, there was only so much I could do.
She hated me, blamed me for everything wrong in her life.
Maybe it was for the best.
I jerked my head in a stiff nod. “Fine.”
His eyes closed, and his shoulders slumped down. “We’ll let you know when we need you with her, but it’ll be a while. We’re going to try and work on her, get her into a sober house or something. We’re not just going to check on her—we’re going to try and help her.”
Right. Because that’s not what I’d been doing. They’d do better.
That burned. But, fuck.
I was blinking back stupid annoying tears, and my throat was rubbing up against a knife in there, but it was what it was.
They’d help her. They’d do what I never could.
My voice was rough when I grated out, “Thank you, Bear. I appreciate it.”
“She—”
I was gone before I could hear any more. I needed to leave.
I raised a hand as I sailed through the kitchen. “Great night, Tony!”
He said something in return, a jovial greeting, but I didn’t hear. There was a pounding in my ears as I went back to the main area and found my table. I’d left my coat there.
Val was asking me something, but I couldn’t hear her either.
There was a wall of emotion stuck between me and everyone else, and their voices were all muted.
I said something. Again, no clue what it was, but I made sure to scan all of their faces. The guys who didn’t know me gave a grin and nod my way. Only Val wasn’t buying it. And Brian. His gaze was clear, watching me intently, and his eyebrows dipped just slightly together.
I gave a wave, put down some cash for my share, and started to leave.
I was out of the door, halfway through the parking lot, before I realized someone had followed me.
“Jess—hey! Jess.” A hand touched my arm, and I whirled around, my arm up to block them, when I saw it was Brian.
He put his hands up in surrender, stepping back, but he zipped up his jacket. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he raised his chin up to me. “What’s going on with you?”
I looked past him to the door. “Val coming after me too?”
He frowned but shook his head. “She saw I was coming, so she stayed. What’d Bear want? What’s going on?”