Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 88208 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88208 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
“What about you? Are you masking your feelings to protect him?”
“Maybe. It’s hard to know how I should feel. I’m scared because my age makes this risky, and the fact this wasn’t planned or expected, but I’d given up on the possibility I could have this. I want to be excited, but so much could go wrong, and has in the past.” She taps her lips. “I know this probably isn’t something you thought you’d be contending with at this point in your life.”
“My head’s still spinning, but I get that you want this, Hanna, and I support that. As long as this baby isn’t putting your health at risk.” I pull into short-term parking and find a spot, shifting the car into park so I can give her my attention. “I’m going to be honest, I think we’ll need to figure out what co-parenting is going to look like. I get that maybe now it’s a little early to make decisions, but one of us is going to have to move eventually.”
“I can’t make any kind of plan until after I’ve seen my doctor and I have a better idea of what’s happening.” She places a hand over her still-flat belly. “Aside from Ryan, my primary support system is in Tennessee, and so are my job and my life.”
“But it’s my baby, too, which sort of changes the order of importance, don’t you think?” I don’t know how to tread this line with her, I realize.
Hanna rubs the space between her eyes. “I don’t want to leave on an argument, Jake. When I was a teenager, I lost all my friends and my entire life when I had Ryan. I’ve spent three decades forming relationships and friendships in Tennessee. You can’t ask me to give all of that up. Not right now and maybe not ever.”
I need to dial it down a bit. This isn’t just about what I want, or what I think is best. We’re going to have to make decisions together, and steam rolling Hanna into them isn’t going to work, even if I want it to. “I know you’ve made sacrifices, big ones. But I have, too. I gave up my career for my daughter, and while I wouldn’t change how I dealt with raising Queenie, it would be hard to do it again.” I implore her to understand. “All I want is to be an active part of this child’s life. I don’t want to be relegated to half the holidays and a weekend every month.”
“I’m sorry, Jake. I don’t think I truly understood what that looked like for you. And I appreciate you wanting to figure things out, but this is all so new. I think we both need some time to process.”
I reach across the center console and put my hand over hers, wanting to smooth things over for her sake as much as mine. We’re both bringing baggage to the table. The kind we’re going to need to unpack. And it’s not going to happen today. “I realize we still have a lot to talk about, but I want you to know that I’m with you on this. We’re in this together.”
“I don’t know how to do this with a partner,” she admits, her eyes soft and worried. “The last time I went through this, it ended badly and so did my relationship.”
“We have that in common, the last part anyway.” Although we have similar experiences, there are just as many differences. I want to protect Hanna from more loss, but set boundaries for myself, too. We both gave up a lot last time around, so I’m hoping this time we can find a better balance with each other. “We’ll get through this.”
Her phone pings, signaling it’s time for her to check in for her flight.
I get out of the car and get her bag and I walk her as far as security.
I open my arms, a silent request for a hug. She grins and steps into me. “I’m sorry I’m so stubborn in my old age,” I murmur.
“I think we both are. It makes for fun times in the bedroom, but challenges outside of it since neither of us wants to give an inch.”
We both chuckle. There’s so much truth to that.
When we part, she leans in and kisses me on the cheek, her lips close to the corner of my mouth. “I’ll send you a message when I land.”
“Have a safe flight.”
She grabs her bag and walks through the security gate, looking over her shoulder once and waving before she disappears around the corner.
This distance is going to be hard.
But I’m going to have to learn how to live with it if I want this to work.
And I realize I do. More than I thought possible.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Permission to be Excited Granted