Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 83586 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83586 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
The first time had been when I’d gotten into an ATV accident and broke my leg. I wasn’t living with Jasp at the time, but he’d been there when I’d wrecked and had brought me home from the hospital to his folks’ place. I remembered him telling me how scared he’d been when I’d crashed, and when I’d gotten home, he’d played the song.
Had he been telling me all that time and I didn’t know? Or hell, maybe he didn’t know.
Since then, that song had marked other important days in our lives, like when we graduated from high school, and Jasper started it after telling me he wasn’t leaving for college; and then again, later on, he played it when I agreed to move into the house with him.
And now, playing it together, when we’d found each other in a whole new way.
I smiled as I went into the lyrics, my voice not great but feeling the words deep in my chest, needing to let them out.
Jasper watched me. I knew he was even though I looked down at my guitar, worried my heart would break open and shatter if I turned to him.
As soon as the song was over and I was done singing about the greatest day I’d ever had, I set my instrument down, then plucked his from his hand and did the same to it, before climbing onto his lap, straddling Jasper and kissing him.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Jasper
We went into a little bookstore in Asheville. Neither of us was a big reader, but we were walking around and going into all the shops, antique stores and stuff like that. Sutton had always been into that shit, finding little towns and exploring.
As we made our first turn inside the bookshop, my feet rooted to the floor. Right there in front of us was a big rainbow and a whole rack of gay books. LGBTQ books? I didn’t even know what to call it. This kind of thing was so foreign to me and not something I’d thought a lot about before me and Sutton.
We were about ten feet away from it. There was a woman there with a teenager, pointing out one of the books and telling her about it. On the other side, a man was reading the back cover of another. I could tell he wasn’t with the other two—he was simply there, shopping for books about himself…because he was comfortable in that. Because he knew it was okay. Because he was proud of who he was and…fuck, I wondered how he got there. I wanted that. Wanted to figure out how I identified and then stand strong in that. How? I wanted to ask. How did you do it? Sammy was doing it, being true to who he was. And I was pretty sure if it wasn’t for me, Sutton would be able to do it. If not now, soon.
It wasn’t fair to him. It wasn’t fair to me.
But maybe it was because they knew their label. Sammy was gay, and Sutton had settled into bisexual. I had to be that, I guessed, but it didn’t quite feel comfortable yet.
Have you let yourself feel comfortable? Have you given yourself permission to be who you are?
“You okay?” Sutton asked, because I was just standing there like an idiot, staring at the people and the display.
I’d never been insecure in who I was. I’d never much cared what people thought, and I hated that I did now. I just wanted… I wanted to be with Sutton and for nothing else to matter.
My heart was causing a ruckus in my chest, but I tried to ignore the banging and the blood rushing through my ears as I reached over and tangled my fingers with Sutt’s.
He did the same, taking my lead. “Jasp?”
“This okay?”
“Yeah. This is good.” He squeezed my hand in support.
The woman and her daughter turned around and smiled at us before walking away. We went up and down the aisles, holding hands. My insides were stuffed full of chaos, but I didn’t let that stop me, didn’t let it prevent me from continuing to make this the greatest day.
We went from the bookstore to the next store and the next, and I didn’t let go of Sutton’s hand the whole time. It wasn’t the same as doing this in Ryland, but it was a step.
“It’s a nice day. Wanna sit outside a bit?” Sutton asked. We still had time before dinner.
“Perfect sixty-nine degrees for my birthday.” I waggled my brows.
“You got issues.”
“You love me, so what’s that say about you?” I teased. “And yeah. You should buy me a pastry first.”
“Oh, should I?”
“Yep. It’s my birthday, after all.” I was planning on milking that shit for all I could.
He chuckled as we went into this little coffeehouse. I got a cinnamon coffee cake, Sutton a Danish, then went over to a grassy area with lots of trees surrounding it and sat down on the grass. Well, he sat. I lay down and put my head in his lap. I wanted this day so fucking much, and I was trying not to care about anything else.