Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 88742 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 444(@200wpm)___ 355(@250wpm)___ 296(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88742 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 444(@200wpm)___ 355(@250wpm)___ 296(@300wpm)
“I did,” I nod.
“So what do you have to say?”
Maybe I should have listened to the whole voicemail. I could have gotten all of my tears out right then and there and possibly have been able to have this conversation with a lot less pain in my heart. But since I didn’t, I’m about to cry like a big baby.
“If it’s what you want,” I shrug. It’s not like I can force him to be with me. The big news I have could sway him, but I want Brick to want me for me, not because of other factors. If he doesn’t want me, then what’s the point?
“What do you want?”
“Does it matter what I want?!” My words come out louder than I expected. I don’t want to be mad at him, but I can’t help myself. What I can help is how loud I’m being, so I bring my voice down. “I can’t force you to do something you don’t want to do. How can I say no?”
“Tammy, what are you talking about?”
Why is he acting like this? He’s the one who called me. Does he not remember the voicemail? He sounded rather drunk, but he’s also the one who brought it up, so he must remember it.
“You want to break up, right? I heard what you said – we need to talk, the tension. Clearly, this isn’t working for you. I can go stay with Mamie; she won’t mind. It’s fine. It really is.” I’m about to start crying, and I really don’t want to. I stand up, ready to leave, but Brick grabs my hand.
“You didn’t listen to the voicemail.”
“I told you, I did.”
“No, you didn’t,” he shakes his head. “Not the whole thing.”
“Why does it matter?” I ask him. Tears are streaming down my face. This is why I wanted to be out of here, so I wouldn’t be a total mess in front of him. “The point was evident in the first couple of seconds. I didn’t need to hear the rest. Can’t you just let me leave?”
Brick sighs and turns my hand over in his. He looks down at it, his thumb rubbing into my palm.
“Play it.”
“Brick, I don’t want–”
“Please, Tammy. Listen to it.” I don’t think Brick is going to let me go until I listen to the whole message. And the longer I stand here, the more all of this shit hurts, so I might as well. I don’t know why he’s insisting, but I’ll do what he wants.
Brick doesn’t let go of my hand, so I use my other one to take out my phone. I go to my voicemails and bring my phone to my ear, listening to it. I hear what I heard this morning, the part that broke my heart. I get ready to hear the actual devastating blow. I take in a shaky breath to prepare myself.
But that’s not what I hear.
I look down at him as he slurs his way through sweet words of love, telling me he wants to be together, that he wants me, words that make my heart beat as fast as a cheetah runs and swell until it hurts.
“Brick,” I breathe.
“So, has you answer changed?”
“Mm-hmm,” I nod. I throw myself into his arms, resting my head on his chest. “So you really love me?” I heard it a week ago at my parent’s house and again in Brick’s drunken voicemail, but one more time couldn’t hurt.
“I do. I should have said it sooner, but I guess I’m an idiot.”
“No, you’re not.” I pick my head up and frame his face with my hands. “I’m the idiot. I’ve been letting myself get all freaked out in my head, and here you were, ready to love me.”
“Do you love me?”
“Of course I do! I should have said it too, I guess. That’s why I’m the idiot. I’m sorry. I’ve caused you so much trouble.”
“I wouldn’t say that.”
“But it’s true, Brick. Maybe trouble is the wrong word, but things aren’t the same.” I blew into Brick’s life like a tornado, upending it. He would never admit it, but I’ve definitely disturbed whatever ecosystem he had going. His life before the night he caught me and his life after are two completely different things. Of course, the same could be said for me. And with all of that change comes a whole lot of questions.
“What about my dad? Did he ever get around to quitting?” My parents haven’t tried to call me all week, and I didn’t try to call them. There were many reasons for the three of us to talk, but no one was willing to be the one to pick up the phone. I’ve forgiven them because they’re my parents, but I don’t feel like it’s on me to begin the mending process.
Spending time with Mamie is what allowed me to see that they are the ones who should apologize. Maybe I owe a mild sorry for the lying, but their reaction far surpasses what was appropriate. I don’t think my parents are bad people, but I do let people walk all over me. It’s part of how I ended up working with someone like Abigail for so long without saying anything. I can’t have myself falling into those old patterns again.