Total pages in book: 69
Estimated words: 69398 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 347(@200wpm)___ 278(@250wpm)___ 231(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 69398 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 347(@200wpm)___ 278(@250wpm)___ 231(@300wpm)
Why is he not understanding that?
“There you are.”
I turn to see Carson jogging towards me, waving a hand. I give him a small smile as he stops in front of me, panting.
“I just went to your house,” he says, voice breathy. “I figured you might be here, it was unlocked.”
“I needed to clear my head.”
“You doin’ okay? How’s your leg?”
“It’s sore but fine.”
“What about you? You don’t look fine.”
I exhale, and then I tell him everything that just happened. He listens intently, with wide eyes, and when I’m done, he exhales. “Wow, that’s a fuckin’ lot after the few days you’ve had. I didn’t know Bohdi wanted to be with you like that, did you?”
“No, and that’s why it’s so confusing. When Isla came back, he told me he didn’t know what we were and I accepted that. He’s reacting badly right now, and I understand why, but he’s not seeing how I’m feeling.”
“Give him some time, Bohdi does this. When things get hard, he shuts down. He’s been like this since we were younger, and sometimes you just gotta let him be. It’s a lot to take in, and he’s coming to the one person he trusts because he knows you can help him, and he’s scared. Take that as a good thing, Bohdi doesn’t go to just anyone.”
I didn’t think of it like that, he’s right.
That makes a lot of sense.
“You’re right. I will go and talk to him, I just need to know exactly what I want before I do. I came here because I wanted to start fresh, without drama and pain. I don’t know what Bohdi is going to bring me, and I have no doubt I can love those boys more than they’ll ever be able to process, but I just need some time to make sure I’m doing the right thing. I’m not going to go all in and then leave them, I’m not like that.”
“You’re a good person, Merleigh. I know why he wanted you to be the person for his kids.”
Dammit, when he puts it like that, I understand it, too.
“I know,” I exhale. “And I could love those boys, oh god could I love them. I think that’s what scares me the most. Is that I know how happy I could be, and what if she came back...”
“She has given her rights away, even if she did come back, that love doesn’t change. You’ll love those boys with or without her in the picture.”
He’s right about that, too.
“You’re too nice a person, Carson. How come you’re still single?”
He chuckles and throws an arm around my shoulder, pressing a kiss to my temple. “Wish I could tell ya, darlin’. One thing is for sure, if you weren’t in love with my best friend, I’d have you. But you are, and I love him more than he’ll ever know, so I’ve got his back on this one.”
I smile.
I like Carson.
So much.
22
NOW – BOHDI
“Where’s mommy?” Sunny asks, for the eighth time today.
He’s confused, and he doesn’t understand why Isla hasn’t come back. I haven’t been able to talk to him or tell him the truth. What am I supposed to say? Mommy decided to leave, and she’s not coming back? Then what if she does come back, and he thinks I’ve lied to him? I don’t want to be the monster in this situation, but I also know eventually, I have to tell the truth.
“Let’s get you a drink, yeah buddy?” I say, ruffling his hair with my fingers.
“Where is mommy?” he asks again, his voice a little fierier this time.
“Listen, bud...”
“Hi.”
A soft voice has me swiveling my head to see Merleigh standing in my doorway, a small smile on her face. Fuck. Seeing her here makes my heart do things I never thought my heart could do. If only she knew the effect she had on me. She changes everything. I’m angry that I was so hard on her earlier, she’s been through enough and I should have been a little gentler.
“Hey,” I say, walking towards her, Sunny’s hand in mine. “I was just about to talk to Sunny. He’s missing his momma.”
Merleigh’s eyes go to Sunny, and she smiles. “Are you feeling a little down, honey?” she asks him.
He nods. “I don’t know where mommy went, and I’m scared she’s never going to come back.”
Those words hurt me, they hurt me to my fucking core. Not only because I’m angry that Isla left, but also that I left them first. I should have never taken that part of them away, but I did, and now she is too. I can’t do this on my own, I don’t fucking know how. Merleigh, she does. She has this strength, this beauty, that I simply don’t have.
She kneels in front of Sunny. “I know you’re sad. It’s super scary when our parents go away, but sometimes, they do it because it helps make them stronger. It’s not because they don’t love us, and of course, we miss them - we’re allowed to miss them. Your momma had to go away because she needed to fix some parts of herself, but you know what? I’m here, and Bohdi is here, and we love you so much. If you need to talk to someone, we’re always going to listen to you. If you need to be sad or angry, we are going to understand that.”