Total pages in book: 140
Estimated words: 135652 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 543(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135652 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 678(@200wpm)___ 543(@250wpm)___ 452(@300wpm)
I even manage to get a few pictures of him which is great because I don’t have any. Even though he doesn’t smile I still appreciate them.
I don’t want this to end, what we have now. Maybe it’s selfish of me. No maybe about it. It is selfish of me. Nathan’s right, I’ll never look at him the way I looked at Caleb, I’ll never love him the way I loved Caleb. But I’ve come to love him in my own way. He’s my best friend, possibly my only friend right now.
Well, the only friend I have within walking distance.
I care about him a lot, more than I should and I’m not ready to give him up yet.
I am selfish. I can’t argue with this. Of course I’m not using him but I need him and the thought of his attention being on somebody else makes me feel sick. Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones.
So I walk through the street with my arm around Nathan’s, a smile on my face and a decision made in my mind. Right now I’m not letting him go. Right now he’s mine and I’m going to enjoy that for as long as it lasts.
We arrive home when the sky gets dark. We go to our own rooms and I toss and turn as I try to sleep, missing his heat against my back and hating myself for it.
There’s only one thought that enters my mind before I drift into the land of slumber. We didn’t finish our talk and for some reason, that makes me sad.
*****
The weeks go by, my due date gets closer and my stomach gets bigger. All is healthy and well in my womb and my body is okay… to the extent that it’s not under any stress. I feel like a whale though.
I knock on Nathan’s bedroom door, it’s eleven and he’s still not down yet. I hope he’s not ill again.
“Come in,” he calls, so I do.
I place his coffee on the trunk at the end of the bed and sit on the bed, as he stands in front of the full length mirror buttoning the sleeves of his white and blue striped shirt.
“You look handsome,” I comment, nursing my cup between my hands, the bottom of it balances on my stomach. Nathan hates it when I balance things on my stomach, especially hot things. He’s a little bit stressed when it comes to my pregnancy at the moment. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was nervous. “It’s snowing by the way.”
“Seriously?” He doesn’t look happy about this and immediately strolls to the window. I can see the large white flakes from where I’m sitting. “Great. It wasn’t forecast until next week.”
“Yep, they reckon twelve inches minimum in this area,” I smile at the thought. I love the snow. “We can build a snowman.”
“No we can’t.”
I glance at my planet and sigh, “Yeah, you’re right. You can build a snowman and I’ll watch and help you decorate it at the end.”
“No.” He raises his chin, his throat stretching as he buttons his collar. I stand and waddle towards him. “You look adorable when you walk.”
I scowl playfully, “I look like a whale balancing on two toothpicks.”
His smile widens, “At least you’re a pretty whale.”
“You’re not funny. Not in the slightest.”
“And an angry whale,” he jests, his eyes glittering with amusement.
“I will sit on you,” I threaten and pull his tie around his neck. “So, the dear old doctor called this morning. He wants to come out on Wednesday to check my lady parts.” I loop the thick end around the thinner end. “He said he’s going to come here, he wants to check our nursery I assume.”
“What do you mean check your lady parts?”
I shrug, hell if I know. “Maybe to see if I’m dilated or something.”
“That sounds uncomfortable,” we both make a face. It does sound uncomfortable. Very much so. “Are you nervous?” I chew on the inside of my cheek and nod. He exhales a long breath after I repeat his question back to him. “Petrified.”
“Why? You said you didn’t want anything to do with the baby,” I’m kidding. I mean, he did say it but I don’t think it’s true anymore.
He confirms my thoughts. “Things change. I don’t want you doing this alone.”
Aww, my heart just melted. “Thanks Nathan.”
“I also don’t want your mum staying here for more than a few nights. I’m not fond of her.” Well this is no secret. They met a month ago when my mum came to visit, she was shocked about the entire situation. Not that I blame her. Although she took it all in his stride, she was rude to Nathan on more than one occasion. Asking him about other girls and his private life. Trying to convince me that he would throw the baby and I out when he gets a new girlfriend. I can see her logic and I understand her way of thinking. These same suspicions have plagued my mind for a while now.