Total pages in book: 195
Estimated words: 185573 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 928(@200wpm)___ 742(@250wpm)___ 619(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 185573 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 928(@200wpm)___ 742(@250wpm)___ 619(@300wpm)
“What is it about her that makes her so goddamn special?” she yells. “Does she have a golden fucking pussy? Is that it?”
“Don’t talk about her,” I warn.
“No, we’re going to talk about this bitch.” Her voice escalates. “What has she done for you? What has she ever fucking done for you?”
When I don’t answer, she throws the bottle of vodka against the wall, smashing it to pieces. “I’m the one who takes away your pain. Nobody else does that for you.”
“You need to cool the fuck off,” I tell her. “Go get your fix. I can’t deal with you like this.”
“Fuck you!” she screams. “You know what? You’d be nobody without me. I’m the motherfucking star in this show.”
She continues to rant, and when objects start flying at my head, I grab a bottle of whiskey and decide to remove myself from the situation. But Lilith gives chase like she always does, following me down the hall, screaming at me all the way out into the parking lot. Eventually, her screaming turns to sobbing, and she’s begging me not to go. This is the way it always goes down. It’s ironic, considering when I met her, she gave me a speech about elevating myself instead of returning to what’s familiar. But she can’t let me leave because she needs my name to stay relevant, and I can’t walk away because I need the poison she feeds me. It’s beyond fucked up, but it’s all I know anymore.
I turn to look at her, and she wipes at her face.
“Go back to the room,” she pleads. “I’ll get you what you need. I’ll make the pain go away.”
She takes my nonresponse as her answer, fishing my wallet out of my pocket and removing a wad of cash. “Wait for me upstairs. I’ll be back soon.”
She leaves me in the parking lot and jogs down the street to God knows where. I consider what would happen if I walked away from it all right now. If I left everything behind. Instead of turning left, I could turn right. I could pour my ass into the back of a cab and tell them to drive. Drive and don’t stop. But the sweat on my brow and the itch in my veins make my demons laugh as they whisper the truth. They aren’t ever letting me go.
An hour later, I’m drunk on Jack Daniel’s when Lilith walks back into the room and kneels in front of me. She has to use both her hands to lift my face, and I can barely make out her shape anymore.
“Shh,” she whispers, opening my mouth to put the pills on my tongue. “I’ll make it all go away.”
I want it all to go away. So, I swallow the medicine like I always do, hoping it will fix me but knowing that it won’t. It never does. My head falls back against the sofa cushion, and Lilith rustles around, pulling my phone from my pocket and pressing buttons. And then she’s trying to climb on top of me, making promises she can’t really deliver on.
“I can be everything you need, baby. Just let me take it all away.”
“Get the fuck off me,” I groan.
I try to shove her away, but she resists.
“Madden?” A faint voice splinters my consciousness, and I try to open my eyes, but I can’t.
“Bianca?” I slur.
“Madden?” Her voice is louder this time, but then it’s drowned out by Lilith’s.
“Tell her,” she says. “Tell her I’m the only one who can make you feel good.”
It feels… all wrong. But I can’t get my mouth to cooperate to get the words out. Everything is so heavy. I can’t separate reality from the haze anymore. It’s all slowing down. For a minute, I think maybe I’m nodding off. The world around me sounds like it’s underwater, and it doesn’t even feel like I’m breathing anymore. I’m convinced it’s a dream because one minute I’m sitting there, unable to form a rational thought, and the next, I’m looking down at myself, and I can see it all so clearly. Lilith’s still trying to get her claws on me, so out of her fucking mind, she doesn’t even notice I’m foaming at the mouth. But Bianca’s screaming my name from the phone on the table. She’s telling me to wake up. She’s yelling at Lilith, but nothing is getting through. I try to move my lips, but I can’t. I’m trapped in the dream, and I don’t know if it’s going to let me out this time.
Bianca says something about me convulsing, and the fear in her voice grabs me around the throat and doesn’t let go. She’s begging me not to leave, and I want to tell her one last time… all I ever wanted to do was stay.