“Well the pink and purples in this basket are all Ponies, but maybe we have something in the back. Give me just one sec,” she says before disappearing through a door.
Cindy turns to me with wide eyes.
“Blake, are you crazy? Are you just doing this to be annoying?”
I look at her with innocent eyes, both hands up with my palms out.
“No of course not, honey. I really mean it when I say that these Ponies aren’t going to fit me. And we don’t want to take any chances right?”
Of course, I don’t add that I have no intention of wearing any type of cover-up, and especially not in bright pink or neon purple. But at that moment, Stephanie reappears with a smile on her face.
“Here you are!” she says triumphantly. “I found it. It’s called a Stallion, and we only have a few left.”
She whips out a tan-colored piece of latex, and both Cindy and I gawk a bit because as Stephanie stretches the rubber between her fingers, we can see that it’s huge. The thing elongates to at least ten inches, and there’s a deep well at one end for catching male virility. The ring at the entrance is at least two inches in diameter, and before our astonished eyes, Stephanie pulls it wide so that it gapes about four inches in circumference.
“See?” she asks triumphantly. “The Stallion is special because it’s the cutting edge of reproductive technology. The latex is thin so that it allows for incredible sensation, and yet it stretches much more than the Pony or any other physical contraceptive. Also, there’s increased volume at the tip for men who have a lot of spunk, and there’s even a bit of ribbing for her pleasure. See?” she asks, stretching out the latex again. Sure enough, there are fine lines in the plastic so that the woman will be titillated with each deep stroke.
But I frown.
“This is the biggest you have?”
“Afraid so,” Stephanie nods sadly. “But trust me, the Stallion is cutting edge. Would you like to take a few for the road?”
I nod, whipping out my wallet.
“Let’s take five to start. How much will that be?”
Stephanie laughs, pulling out an unmarked paper bag from beneath the counter.
“No charge because all of our services and products are free. But if you wouldn’t mind filling out our questionnaire after you’re done, I’d appreciate it so much. The questionnaires help us collect data, and are a major source of funding for the SHC. Thank you!” she smiles merrily while handing me the paper bag.
I take it, nodding.
“Sure thing. I’ll definitely fill out that questionnaire. Do you have any questions, Cindy?”
The gorgeous blonde has been standing there, with her eyes as wide as saucers during the entire transaction.
“No, I don’t,” she stammers, flushing again. “Thanks for your help, Stephanie.”
“You’re welcome!” the volunteer chirps happily. “And if you need anything else, feel free to come back anytime. We’re open ten to eight, Monday through Friday.”
By now, Cindy is scarlet as I pull back into the open hallway.
“Did you have a good time, honey?” I ask with a knowing smirk. “I know I did.”
She stares at me.
“Blake, really? The Stallion condom? Because you have a tool the size of a horse?”
I smirk again.
“I do, honey. I think it’s very apropos, don’t you think? Now, why don’t we go and try these suckers out?”
Cindy just rolls her eyes before taking my arm again.
“I think I need to get some lunch after that,” she says. “When I thought to bring you to the SHC, I never envisioned that would happen.”
“And what’s that?” I ask innocently as we begin to walk again.
She huffs out a small puff of air.
“Just that you’d be so … incorrigible!”
I merely chuckle and pat the small hand lying on my arm.
“Honey, you’re just getting to see all the different sides of Blake Reynolds. Now, lunch. You’re right, all that browsing has me hungry. Do you know of any place that serves horse meat, come to think of it? Or pony meat? Stallion steaks, anyone?”
She slaps my arm playfully again.
I just chuckle while making my way down the corridor with this lovely woman, the paper bag dangling from my hand. Who knew that going to a student health center to discuss contraceptives could be fun? But with Cindy as my partner, even the most boring, inane events are rendered exciting, from her short song-and-dance in the hallway, to picking up a couple of contraceptives named “The Stallion.” Who would have guessed? Now all I need to do is tell her that I have no intention of using any stallions or ponies in the future. I like my women ripe, plush, and totally bare, and I just need to convince Cindy that that’s how she wants it too.
We sit in a little café just off campus and I smile at Blake.