Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 87933 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87933 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
“Okay, that is definitely my influence, but hey, it’s a sign that you’ve truly made it. You can’t say that until the media has slandered you for something they think you said, did, or took out of context.”
“Fun times. The price of fame, I guess.”
“It does cost a lot of your soul to reach the top, I’m sorry to say.”
Jordan walks back to the bed and sits sideways on the edge so he can still look at me. “What part did you give up?”
“Practically my whole identity. All five of us Eleven guys did. Harley probably sacrificed the most. He’s happy now and in a good place, but I’ve seen him struggle with his sexuality for the better part of a decade. It wasn’t that he didn’t accept himself, but he believed no one else would accept him.”
“I understand that. I was warned when I first got to LA that being openly gay would typecast me, but I was adamant to do it my own way, and I guess it’s kind of true. My first big role, my breakout, was me playing a gay side character on a TV drama. I was lucky to score the lead in my first rom-com movie. I only got it because the guy they wanted had a scheduling conflict. After that, I proved I can play a straight guy well, apparently.”
“Do you think this role might send you backward?” I ask. “That this might be the thing that keeps you typecast as the token gay character?”
“I’m actually hoping a role like this will open the market to mainstream queer movies. I wouldn’t mind being known as the gay guy who starred in all of the queer rom-coms. That’s a typecast I’d be okay with. But yeah, going back to playing side characters and dying onscreen … I don’t want that. It’s a risk, but I think if it works out, then I could do so much good for the world of queer people. I want it to be normalized.”
“It should be. Definitely.”
“How do you feel about it all?”
“That I find myself suddenly bi?”
Jordan blinks. Then blinks again. “Just like that, huh? Picked a label and everything? Most people take a little longer …”
“I mean, it fits. I liked kissing you more than I thought I would. I definitely enjoyed Montana and waking up next to you. Last night was phenomenal.”
Jordan bows. “You’re welcome.”
“It’s bisexual by default, isn’t it?”
“You could be fluid.”
“I think Ryder identifies as that. He used to constantly tell us how sexuality is a spectrum and often changing, blah blah blah. The more labels that get tossed around, the more confused I become. It’s good there are options for anyone who needs them, but for me … I can compartmentalize enough to say I’ve been with more than one gender. Logical conclusion: bisexual. I know some people need to go deeper than that, but I don’t.”
Jordan reaches for my hand. “I’m happy it’s that easy for you.”
“I can internalize and pretend to go through an existential crisis if you like? Wah, what is wrong with me? I don’t understand why I love being fingered in the ass by a dude so much!”
“Thank you. That’s better. But no, seriously, I’m glad it’s not that way for you.”
“Me too. I’d been around Harley and Ryder long enough to understand it from an outside perspective, but if it weren’t for you, or maybe this movie, I don’t think I ever would have worked it out for myself, or that it would’ve come so easily, so thank you.”
That tight smile appears once again. “Hey, it’s what I do.”
Chapter Eighteen
Jordan
Blake’s actually ahead of schedule to break my heart.
He’s saying all the usual things, the things I’ve heard a million times like thank you and it’s all because of you.
And with Blake, it’s even more confronting when he doesn’t even try to deny it will happen. Like when I joked about making his first blowjob a good experience for his future boyfriend, he didn’t do the expected answer of “No, this is a one-off.”
How many times have I heard that one?
You’re the exception. You aren’t the rule. I find you attractive, but I don’t see me ever being with a man long term.
Bam, they meet the one.
And yet, every single time, my stupid little naive heart always thinks the same. This one could be different.
I should be thankful Blake is different. Not in the sense he’s promising me things I know he won’t give, but because he grounds me. I make a joke about it being my fault, he agrees with me. I mention future boyfriends, and he doesn’t flinch.
Hell, he’s even accepted his newfound queerness probably quicker than anyone ever has in my experience. Even the ones who knew deep down something was always there. This has kind of sideswiped Blake, and he’s taken it all in stride.