Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 82568 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 413(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82568 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 413(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
Holden leaned against the breakfast bar that separated the living room and the kitchen. His chest hurt, felt empty, but then the more he thought, the more rage began to fill the space there. He loved the two people in front of him more than anyone in the world. How could Adam have hurt them? Why hadn’t he seen how lucky he was?
Why didn’t Adam take care of them the way a father was supposed to? Why hadn’t their own parents loved them the way Marilee did Sean?
Holden couldn’t understand it, couldn’t find a way for any of it to form something that made sense.
“I told myself I was protecting you. I didn’t want you to think those things of your daddy. I don’t know if that was the right thing to do or not, Sean, but I love you. I’ve made mistakes—big ones. I’ll make more, I’m sure, but no matter what, I will always love you, and you’ll always be the most important person in my life.”
Sean looked down, swiped at tears on his face. He was such a brave, bighearted kid. He deserved better than the hand he’d been dealt. Holden would do whatever he could to make sure Sean always knew that.
“Bet you’re disappointed in me,” Sean said softly, looking at Holden.
“What? Why would I be disappointed in you?” Holden asked, heartbreak in his words.
“Because I shoulda protected her better. That’s what you do when you love someone, right? Just like you dropped everything to come here for us.”
“Hey,” Holden said, walking toward him. He sat on the coffee table in front of Sean. “I want you to listen to me. There’s not a single part of me that’s disappointed in you. It wasn’t your job to protect your mama. None of this was your fault, and it’s not hers either. It’s your daddy’s fault. No one else’s.”
“I shoulda known, though.”
“Even if you had, you couldn’t have done anything about it, just like I couldn’t stop our dad from doing the same thing to me. Or our mom, who would then turn around and hurt or neglect us too.”
Somehow, hearing how Sean felt, knowing they were the same words and thoughts that had filled Holden his whole life, sent a shockwave through him. If it wasn’t Sean’s fault…maybe none of it had been Holden’s either.
“The only thing we can do is love each other and break the cycle. I’m so proud of the person you are. You’re the best kid I know, and nothing will change that, okay?”
Sean nodded. “Okay.”
There wasn’t a lot of talking after that. The three of them sat on the couch together and just…were.
After a while, Holden took them down to the police station, where Marilee filed a report against Adam for the things he’d done to her. When they got home, they ate leftovers for dinner. Holden took a shower, but he couldn’t stop thinking about what Adam had done and wondering where in the hell he was.
When it was time for bed, Sean asked his mom if he could sleep with her.
“Yeah, of course. I miss getting to snuggle with you.” She kissed the top of Sean’s head, giving Holden a sad smile over it.
“Night, you two,” Holden told them.
They said the same back to him, then disappeared into Marilee’s room.
Holden felt like he was coming out of his skin. It was too tight around him, as if it would continue to stretch until it split open and all his insides would fall out.
He sat down, but his leg was bouncing, so he stood up again. He didn’t know how long he paced the cabin, until eventually, he plucked his keys off the counter and stepped out. He didn’t always lock the cabin when he left, but he sure as shit did tonight.
The living room light was on at Roe’s place as Holden made his way over. Neediness lured him there, lassoed him and kept pulling until Holden was on Roe’s porch.
His hands shook as he knocked, but he couldn’t say exactly why. Because of what they’d found out about Adam? Because of the undeniable tornado of longing spinning and gaining speed inside him?
A moment later Roe answered the door. He was wearing gray sweats, no shirt, and a backward red baseball cap. He was…fuck, he was so goddamned beautiful. When he looked at Holden—his head cocked slightly, before giving a simple nod as if he could read Holden’s mind—the storm beneath his skin began to settle.
“I need you,” he admitted. Need? He’d thought the word, but it felt so foreign on his tongue. He’d never let himself need anyone, yet that was how he felt in that moment. Like if he didn’t have Roe to tether him, he would drift away.
“I gotcha.” Roe took his hand and pulled him inside. He closed the door behind Holden, and he heard the lock click into place. He wasn’t sure if Roe was a stickler about locking up. Somehow, he knew he’d done it for him.