Total pages in book: 71
Estimated words: 66022 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 330(@200wpm)___ 264(@250wpm)___ 220(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66022 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 330(@200wpm)___ 264(@250wpm)___ 220(@300wpm)
Jack slowly nodded. Somewhat surprised, Will went on. “I bet you squashed those feelings down. I bet you didn’t allow yourself to explore them because they were wrong. They were inappropriate so you shut them down, locked them away or discarded them altogether.”
“Slow down, Will. Take it easy.” Jack touched Will’s forearm. Will took a breath and let it out with a sharp, nervous laugh.
“God, I’m sorry. Just totally ignore me, will you?”
“I don’t want to ignore you. I think what you’re saying is important.” His hand was still on Will’s arm. Will looked down and, predictably, Jack pulled it away.
“Will, I’m not really sure what’s going on right now. I do know I’ve had a little too much to drink and my brain is kind of fuzzy. I was married a lot of years and I guess I haven’t really thought one way or the other about your notion of people being conditioned this way or that. I never thought of myself as gay.”
Embarrassed, Will blurted, “I never meant to imply—”
“Now hold on, relax,” Jack interrupted him. “I said I never thought of myself that way. But honestly, I’ve never thought much about my feelings, period. It’s really only since Emma died that I’ve taken the time to ruminate about weighty things like life and death and why we’re here and what we should be getting out of life. Being around you these past weeks, well…” Jack flushed and looked down. He looked up again, meeting Will’s eyes. “It’s been great. You make me feel valued for my work and even more importantly, valued as a person.
“I enjoyed working on your kitchen. It was gratifying to see you take such an active interest every step of the way. You made me see things through your eyes and remember why I do this in the first place.”
Will started to respond but Jack kept on. “I liked when you told me about your investment business, even though I didn’t really get it.” He smiled shyly. “I liked playing pool with you, even though you suck at it.” His smile broadened into a grin. “I liked eating pizza with you and watching you make coffee in that fancy machine of yours. I like the way you’re so serious and impassioned about gay rights. I like you, Will.
“I have no idea what that means in relation to us, if it means anything at all. My wife always said my tongue waggled without consulting my brain when I’d had a few too many, and I’m sure she’d say it this time too. I just kind of wanted to get all that out there, I guess. I have no idea where we go from here.”
Neither, Will realized, did he.
Chapter 5
The moon was rising, its reflected light illuminating Jack’s features. He seemed to be waiting for Will’s response. Will could feel the underlying tension between them and wasn’t sure how much of it was sexual, how much of it brandy and wishful thinking.
When he didn’t respond immediately Jack turned his face away, again staring up at the star-filled sky. Will felt as if he’d let a pivotal moment pass but he didn’t know how to get it back. He’d been so focused on his own unrequited feelings for the older man, he hadn’t been prepared for Jack’s tumbling torrent of words.
He sipped his brandy and tried to collect his thoughts. It was pretty obvious Jack was drunk, at least drunk enough to speak so freely, to say things he might regret when sober. While Will desperately wanted to question him about what he’d said, at the same time he didn’t want to press, to embarrass him, to make him regret his uncharacteristic volubility.
I like you, Will.
Will took another sip of brandy, forbidding himself from attaching too much meaning to that simple statement. Unbidden, in his mind’s eye he saw himself lean over and take Jack into his arms. He closed his eyes, lowering his face to Jack’s for their first, perfect kiss…
The image shifted, and instead of Jack offering himself in sweet surrender, Will’s fevered imagination conjured him standing with his fist clenched and raised, delivering a sharp right that knocked Will on his ass.
Will shook his head but couldn’t quite erase the unsettling fantasy. He decided to quit while he was ahead. “Hey, it’s been a really great evening. I don’t know about you, but I’ve had a fair amount to drink and maybe neither of us is thinking as clearly as he’d like. I think it’s best if we called it a night. Do you want another cup of coffee before you drive? How far do you have to go, anyway?”
Jack was clearly nonplussed. He stood abruptly, nearly toppling the chair behind him. “I live about twenty minutes from here. As to coffee, no thanks. If I have another cup I’ll be up all night.” His voice was gruff, his face, a moment before so open and earnest, had closed.