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Read Online Books/Novels:

Long Schlong Silver

Author/Writer of Book/Novel:

Teagan Kade

Language:
English
ISBN/ ASIN:
B07VVWPKJF
Book Information:

They say he’s huge, enormous, a babymaker so big it crosses state lines.
Bobby Silver—disgraced quarterback, legend, local gigolo.
I couldn’t care less.
I just want his boat.
I’m a broker. I help the rich obtain the unobtainable.
So when my latest client tells me he wants a certain hillbilly house boat, I’m seriously confused.
I thought it would be an easy sell, but Mr. Silver’s playing hard to get.
Knockout eyes, all the muscle, a third leg that’s the town tourist attraction…
He might be king of the hill around here, but I’ve never left a job without getting what I want, and those big blues aren’t going to be my undoing.
It doesn’t help he’s become a starring role in my fantasies.
That I’m maybe the tiniest, teensiest bit curious.
Because hooking up with him would be disaster of biblical proportions.
And I’m not ready to meet my maker just yet.

Brace yourself, gals, it’s about to get rough, randy, and all kinds of dirty in the Ozarks. Long Schlong Silver is a full length, standalone bad boy romance with a ton of steam. There’s no cheating, no cliffhangers and a breathless, guaranteed HEA. Don’t miss it!

Books by Author:

Teagan Kade Books

CHAPTER ONE

GISELE

I pull over wondering whether this is a roundhouse, a random shack, or some combination of the two.

A step out of the car and I’m hammered by humidity. Sweat fills nooks and crannies I didn’t even know existed until now.

Why am I here? I ask myself.

The million-dollar question.

A ring of a bell signals my entrance into the roundhouse-slash-shack. I calmly make my way to the front counter where a somewhat obese gentleman sits so still he could be mistaken for part of said counter.

A desk fan aimed at his face causes the two hairs on top of his head to flicker. He looks up, sees me. “Hot out.”

You don’t say. “Sure is.” I smile.

He looks down at the counter, out the window, back to me. “Gas?”

“No,” I start cautiously. “I was actually going to inquire who owns the houseboat out back?”

This piques his interest. He straightens up and runs a hand over his two hairs, smoothing them out. “Well now, that’s a fine vessel and all, but I’m afraid it’s not for sale.”

I plaster on a look of disappointment. “Dang. It looked so pretty sitting out there in the water.”

Counter Guy shrugs, unsure how to proceed. “Ol’ Bear’s been there for years.”

“Bear?”

“Ah, Bobby,” the man continues. “He owns the boat—lives on it, actually.”

“And you’re sure he wouldn’t be interested?” I push.

“Well,” another run of the hand over the head, “I suppose you could ask when he’s back, but he ain’t a big fan of… well, people.” His eyes drop to my chest. “Unless you’re a fine-looking lady like yourself, that is.”

I resist a gag and smile. “Do you know when ‘Bear’ will be back?”

Counter Guy looks around the room for a clock that doesn’t exist. “Oh, shouldn’t be too long.” He reaches for a flyer from a pile beside the cash register. “How about a spot of fishing while you wait? Big ol’ prize if you catch the Beast.”

The Bear, the Beast… This place is starting to sound like an amusement park.

“I got all the gear here,” he continues, “special discount being a weekday and all.”

I point behind myself. “I’ll wait outside, thank you.”

“Suit yourself,” he shrugs, returning to his thousand-mile stare.

I head back out into the heat, a sudden ‘pop’ to my right that stops me in my tracks.

Leaning up against the wall is a platinum-blonde with bubblegum hanging out of her mouth. She looks about twenty years too old for such a pastime, but hey, who am I to judge?

She looks straight ahead, eyes hidden behind knock-off Ray Bans, the sun chiseling out the features of her face. “You looking for him?”

“Who?” I ask.

Now she turns to me. “Long Schlong Silver, of course.”

“I’m sorry?” I say, because surely I didn’t hear that correctly.

“If you’re looking for a lay, hon, you better get in line. Bear’s booked out for weeks.”

I gesture in the general direction of the river. “You mean Bobby, the man who owns the boat?”

She nods, her tongue tucking the bubblegum back into her mouth.

“I don’t blame you, of course. Cock like a donkey’s dick… Who wouldn’t want to see that for themselves? Ride the real Beast.”

When I woke up this morning I didn’t picture standing here talking to Daisy Duke about giant dicks, but hell, here we are. May as well milk it.

I lean against the wall, smother myself in a conspiratorial air. “Is he really that big?”

Her hands span apart… and keep going, and going. She nods. “Like I said.”

“He must be a real good lay.”

My confidant chews a little faster. “You have no idea. Most people around here know him as Bear, owing to his football fame, but us girls have another name for him.

After the first, I can’t wait for this.

She looks at me dead-on. “The Cure.”

I stifle laughter, playing along. “Is he a doctor?”

“A love doctor,” my friend purrs. “They come from all over.”

“Who?”

“Girls who can’t… you know… hit the big ‘O’.”

I myself fall into this category, but I’m sure as shit not here for an appointment. No, I’ve got far more important matters to attend to than my sexual awakening.

My friend pushes off the wall, walking away. “Anyhoo, thought I’d let you know, being friendly-like and all. There’s a motel down the road. Grab a room. He’s worth the wait. Trust me.”

I don’t trust anyone, least of all a kiss-and-teller who looks like she just stumbled out of a Britney Spears video.

I watch her saunter off down the road before returning to my car.

I turn the key over and crank up the AC, but all it seems to be doing is pushing air around.

You’re here, I tell myself. Take a moment.

I pull out my cell and dial, bringing the phone to my ear.

The line’s picked up, silence heavy.

“It’s me,” I begin. “I’ve found him. I’ve found the prick.”

CHAPTER TWO

BOBBY

I wake up in a houseboat, but it sure as shit ain’t mine. The fact I’m staring up at a giant poster of Billy Ray Cyrus settles that.


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