Total pages in book: 111
Estimated words: 102136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 511(@200wpm)___ 409(@250wpm)___ 340(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 102136 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 511(@200wpm)___ 409(@250wpm)___ 340(@300wpm)
I got that he didn’t think the same as most people. But couldn’t he fucking see that I needed him? That I needed more than him telling me to ‘stop stressing Maddie out’, to ‘just stop’? I didn’t know how to just fucking stop! I needed him try, just this once. Just fucking try and push past the walls that surrounded his brain and make him see me fucking dying.
There was nothing. No words of comfort from his mouth. No acknowledgment of my pain.
Laughing a cruel single laugh, I spat, “So that’s your fatherly talk to me, huh? This is you having a one-to-one, a heart-to-heart?” Flame blinked three times in quick succession. Fucking withdrawn. Maybe hurt? I couldn’t tell. He never showed emotion apart from anger… just like me. Leaning back against the tree, I kept watch for the ghosts, and said, “And you’re gonna be an old man?” I huffed a sardonic laugh. “Good fucking luck with that.” I waited for him to hit me. Flame had never so much as lifted a finger to me. Right now, I fucking craved it. I wanted him to hit me. To knock me out, beat my face so I would feel it for days. I deserved the pain. I fucking craved the pain. And at least it meant that he was listening to something I said. That he wasn’t just ignoring me and casting me aside.
My heart was pounding from the words I’d fired. Like cheap shots from a semi-automatic, each one rebounding into me leaving a gaping wound full of regret. Adrenaline surged through my body like ignited gasoline. I couldn’t control my mouth. I was lashing out at the very person I needed to make shit right.
Flame was as still as a statue. His eyes were still focused on the trunk above my head. But his face was pale. Even in my drunken state, I saw that he had lost color—it was the only reaction he displayed.
It was a punch straight through my heart.
Silently, he turned and walked away. His shoulders were bunched as he trudged slowly through the high grass. With each receding step my anger subsided, only to be replaced by a gutting pit so deep it became an abyss of endless pain. When Flame finally disappeared, my legs gave away. My ass hit the cold ground, and I stared out at the darkness. I wasn’t lucky enough to feel numbness this time. I felt it all, every ache and tear and splitting of flesh. My regret felt as though my organs were shutting down, one after the other, causing my body to blaze with fire and agony. Flame’s blank stare lodged in my brain and I replayed my words, making sure I remembered the gravity of what I’d just done… You gonna fuck me up, and then throw me in a cellar? Make sure I learn my fucking lesson, huh? Is that what you’re gonna do, Poppa…? I didn’t know what Flame felt inside, if he even had feelings, but I’d seen him flinch when I’d called him by his birth name. And the way he walked back to the cabin—shoulders slumped, feet weighing ten tons. And you’re gonna be an old man… good luck with that…
I suddenly felt real damn lonely. So fucking lonely that I didn’t know how the fuck to breathe normally. I was chasing everyone away, because I believed it was better than letting them in. Better they didn’t see my growing darkness. Better they didn’t witness the evil consuming my flesh. Anger. Resentment… the fucking hell-risen ghosts that never let me sleep.
Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw the ghosts rising to their knees, reappearing in amongst the trees. This time they were gathering for a different reason—not to attack, but to watch me, to remind me that they didn’t sleep. That they’d always be in the shadows, waiting for the moment they could drag me with them to hell. As I stared at them, at their soulless eyes and sunken features, I felt wetness on my cheeks. I didn’t wipe the tears away. I let them crash like bombs into the earth beneath me, burning my skin in their fiery wake. Flame would now hate me. AK and Maddie too. But I supposed it didn’t matter in the end. Because no one hated me more than I hated myself.
Chapter Four
Flame
I gripped Maddie’s hand as the truck stopped in the parking lot of the clubhouse. Music was coming from inside. Hush and Cowboy’s truck pulled up beside us. Sia jumped out and waved at Maddie. Maddie waved back with her free hand. I wasn’t letting go of the one I was holding. Hush and Cowboy followed Sia inside. The door closed behind them. Shadows of my brothers moved inside. I stared at the doors. I didn’t wanna go in there. I didn’t wanna be here. I wanted to stay at the cabin with Maddie, and not fucking move.