Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 92417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 462(@200wpm)___ 370(@250wpm)___ 308(@300wpm)
I wanted to punish myself for getting close to her.
Why hadn’t I known better?
TWENTY-TWO
veronica
I’d been miserable all week and trying not to show it.
Each day that passed, Austin and I exchanged fewer and fewer words, until we barely nodded when we crossed paths. I’d gotten used to how it was when it was just the two of us—he’d been so open and warm—and I hated the weird silence. He worked long hours, and he seemed to spend even more time in the garage than he had before.
One day this week, while he’d been at work, I wandered in there just to feel close to him, and I saw a stunning dining table. Closing my eyes, I ran my fingers across the surface, reveling in the knowledge that his hands had been on this wood too. I yearned for those hands to touch me again.
By Friday afternoon, I gave up trying to pretend everything was fine and called Morgan. “Help,” I said. “I did something bad.”
“What happened, honey?” Just the sound of her voice had tears spilling from my eyes.
“I caught feelings, that’s what happened.”
“For your boss? The handyman?”
“Yes.”
“You said it was just sex! Temporary and casual.”
“That’s what it was supposed to be.” Grabbing the tissue box, I sank down on the couch. “But my stupid heart got involved and ran away with the plan.”
“Are you sure it’s not just a rebound thing? Like a reaction to being with someone so opposite Neil?”
“I thought that, at the beginning. I came up with all kinds of logical reasons why he seemed to have this effect on me.” I blew my nose. “But they were all just excuses. The truth is, I think I’m falling for him.”
“Maybe you should quit and come back to New York now, before you get in any deeper,” she suggested.
“I can’t leave them. They need me.”
She sighed. “How does he feel?”
“I don’t really know. He doesn’t talk to me.”
“Can you ask him?”
“No!” I shuddered. “No. I can’t.”
“Then just try to be strong, Roni. And don’t let him con you into sex while no one’s looking. You deserve the real fucking thing.”
“Thanks.” I grabbed a new tissue and blew my nose again.
“You should get out and about. Do you have any friends there other than his family?”
“Yeah. I have one friend—Ari—and she’s trying to drag me to a wine bar tonight.”
“Go! Get dressed up and put on your favorite red lipstick and just have a girls’ night. Forget about men.”
I smiled weakly. “I’ll try.”
And I had tried—I wore something I felt good in, I curled my hair, I painted my lips cherry red, and Ari was good at making me laugh.
But Austin was on my mind the entire time.
It was obvious he’d been waiting up for me to get home, and I could hear the jealousy in his voice when he asked me about my evening. You idiot! I wanted to shout. I don’t want anyone but you! I even thought he might show up at my door like he had the first time, shirtless and angry, unable to stay away.
Obviously, things had changed. He was able to resist me now. He didn’t feel what I felt.
And I needed to stop hoping he would.
Saturday afternoon, I got a text from Ari.
Broken Spoke tonight. I’ll pick you up at nine.
I don’t know if I feel like it.
I didn’t ask if you felt like it, I just told you what time I’ll be there.
I allowed myself a tiny smile. Ari was good for me. And maybe a little music and dancing would be good for me too. The kids were sleeping at George’s tonight, so they wouldn’t need me until they got home tomorrow afternoon.
Okay. I’ll be ready.
I set my phone aside and curled up in my bed again. It wasn’t like me to nap, but I just didn’t have the energy to do anything else. Xander had taken Austin, George, and the kids out on the boat this afternoon, and they’d asked me to come along, but I’d declined. It was hard enough seeing Austin fully clothed at the breakfast and dinner table every day—seeing him shirtless wasn’t going to help me stop thinking about him. My throat closed up, and the tears I’d been holding in all day insisted on being shed.
Allowing myself the cry, I sobbed into my pillow. When the wave of sadness had passed, I got up, went over to the dresser, and took out the two shirts of his I’d stolen. Then I grabbed his cap from a hook on the wall.
Knowing the house was empty, I walked up to Austin’s bedroom and placed the items on the bed.
I cried it out again when I got home.
“Oh god,” I said to Ari over the loud wail of the guitar. We were standing at the bar, waiting for drinks.