Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 118459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 474(@250wpm)___ 395(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 118459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 474(@250wpm)___ 395(@300wpm)
“Let’s do it.” He bends so they’re eye to eye. In a hushed voice he says, “Wanna shave our heads? Show it who’s boss?”
She stills. I’m not sure what she’s gonna say. I’m not sure I’m prepared for that either.
“You’ll do it, too?” she asks, touching the top of his head.
“Of course. We’re both fighting this thing. I’m not going into this fight letting it think it’s gonna beat me from the start.”
She stands and then turns to face me, sinking her back into Crew’s front. “Will you shave yours, too, Mommy?”
“Ah.” Crew laughs, picking her up. “Your mommy isn’t much of a fighter. But she is awful pretty.”
I laugh and wipe my eyes.
“She is pretty,” Ever says through her giggles.
Crew twists her around and sits her on his hip. They look at each other, a smile on both of their faces. He taps her nose. “Let’s let Mommy be the cheerleader. That’ll be her job. We can’t have her getting in the way as we do the dirty work.”
“Okay.”
“We need to give her a job so she doesn’t feel left out though,” he says, looking at me out of the corner of his eye. “We’ll let her do the shaving, okay?”
“And make us Kool-Aid?” Ever asks hopefully.
“And make us Kool-Aid.” Crew laughs, pulling me into his other side. “This is gonna be okay, girls,” he says and squeezes me tight. I look up into his eyes and he mouths, “I promise.”
TWENTY-FIVE
CREW
My newly-buzzed scalp feels smooth against my calloused hand. I hear Ever playing in the bathtub while Julia finishes sweeping up the mess.
I grab a bottle of whiskey out of the cabinet and pull the cork. I take one gulp, letting the liquor burn down my throat and pool into a fire of acid in my stomach. One more mouthful slides smoothly down and adds to the mix.
That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.
Her eyes were wide as Julia braided her long locks so we could cut it off. Jules’s hands shook and she kept looking at me, like she wanted some assurance that this was the right thing.
Fuck if I knew. But it seemed better to do it here than to watch it fall out. Ever, Jules, hell even I needed to feel some power in this situation. Everything is out of our control. How powerless would she feel if she had to watch her hair fall out strand by strand? This was the one thing I figure we can control. This was one thing we can take hold of and not let cancer do to us.
Ever gasped when she saw herself in the mirror. Jules and I held our breath, waiting for her response. She ran her hand over her head.
“I look like Caillou, Mommy,” she whispered, referring to a cartoon character she likes. “I look like him, but a girl.”
“You’re much prettier than Caillou.”
“Will it grow back?” Her voice cracked as she touched her head again.
“It will.”
“This will make me stronger, right, Uncle Crew?”
“Yeah. Look at how powerful you look. I wouldn’t mess with you.”
Ever giggles and turns around. “Okay, I’ll believe you. But it better grow back!”
The bathroom door creaks open and Jules comes into the kitchen. She tosses the hair into the garbage. When she looks at me, her face is paler than I’ve seen it.
“Fuck,” I mutter and grab a hold of her. I pull her into me. She wraps her arms around my waist and I rest my chin on her head. “That had to be done. You know that, right?”
She doesn’t say anything, just sniffles. “I don’t know if I can do this, Crew.”
“You have to do this.” I rub her back and she squeezes me tighter. “You know I work this week, right? I’ll try to come by the hospital after work, but I can’t afford to take time off.”
“I know,” she whispers.
“If you need anything, you tell me and I’ll figure it out.” I sigh. “I hate that you’ll be there alone. Do you have anyone that can sit with you?”
She shakes her head against me. “Olivia will be by sometimes, but she’s got her own stuff to do and Rory to watch.” She pauses and takes a deep breath. “I haven’t told my parents.”
“Don’t.”
“I don’t want to deal with them, Crew. But it is their granddaughter.”
“Think long and hard before you say anything to them. You know they’ll just make it harder on you in the long run.”
We stand in the middle of the kitchen holding each other. Every now and then, we hear Ever giggle or sing some song about sugar.
“I’m working on a few things this week to come up with the money.”
“It’s too much,” she says, pulling back. “How do we come up with that kind of money? I just . . . I’m her mother, Crew. And she’s not going to get what she needs because I just failed her.”