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The Man Bible: A Survival Guide (Slater Brothers #6.5)
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Do you know what you’ve got in your hands?
A little piece of fucking treasure, that’s what. I’ve taken initiative here and have turned my trusty Man Bible into an actual survival guide, because the loot between these pages will lead to each of you having happy, stress free lives with your women.
Pick this gem up, put your big boy pants on, and start reading. Trust me, you won’t regret it. I present to you, The Man Bible … you’re fucking welcome.
By Nico Slater
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IT’S NOT WHAT SHE SAYS … IT’S HOW SHE SAYS IT
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We’ve all found ourselves sitting alone after an argument from hell feeling utterly confused because you did exactly what your woman said you could do when you asked her permission for something … only to find out that she is a little liar, and didn’t mean a word of what she said. First things first, no matter what, the blame lies with the man. That’s you. Trust me when I say you will not convince your woman otherwise and deep down you know this. If she told you that you could do something, but she didn’t really mean it, then she has already decided that you’re guilty for not seeing through her Oscar worthy lie. Nothing you say, or do, will change this fact. Accept that shit, and living with her will become a whole lot fucking easier.
Now. To save yourself from sitting alone for hours wondering what the fuck you did wrong when your woman gave you permission for something, only to go back on her word and become the spawn of Satan, I’m gonna break this shit down for you. This information will rid you of migraines, an empty belly (because she’s not cooking for you when she’s mad, not a chance in Hell) and sleeping on the couch. Like the title of this chapter says, it’s not what she says, it’s how she says it.
It’s all about her tone, her body language, and abso-fucking-lutely nothing to do with the words that leave her mouth.
Let’s say she says that you can go out to the bar with your buddies, okay? Does she keep non-blinking eye contact with you when she speaks? Does she smile like she’s just won the lottery? Does she tilt her head to the side at any point in the conversation? Does she encourage you to stay out later that you originally suggested? Does she seem obscenely happy when you mention that other females will be in breathing distance of you? Does she clap her hands together every time she says a word for no apparent reason? Does she tell you to ‘go out, have fun’? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then you need to sit your ass down, and re-evaluate your life and future choices because she doesn’t mean a single fucking word of what she is saying to you. Not. One. Word.
—She is daring you, not giving permission—
If, at any point, you’re reading this information and thinking ‘bullshit, my girl is chill and wouldn’t do this’ then let me tell you something, my friend. You’re fucking deluded. Every woman on planet Earth does this, and if you meet a woman that says she doesn’t, then she is either flat out lying to you, or she hasn’t fallen in love with her future husband, or wife, yet, thus isn’t aware of the level of crazy that she is capable of reaching. That level isn’t measurable, either. There is no limit to a woman’s crazy.
Remember that, and you just might survive spending your life with one.
TRICK QUESTIONS … THESE ARE LIFE OR DEATH SITUATIONS
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Has your woman ever asked you what you thought was an innocent question, only for you to rapidly find out that it had fifty underlining meanings that you were absolutely not aware of? Yeah, those are trick questions, my friend. In the military, they are called the mine fields: undetectable, and life ending upon detonation. It’s fucking scary, I’m not going to water it down for you. You will fear for your life. Answering a trick question is life threatening, but answering a trick question wrong? Christ, your woman will give Lucifer a run for his money and happily take a fucking seat on Hell’s throne. There is only one way around this.
—Under no circumstances do you answer the fucking question—
I don’t care if it starts a whole other argument about you not listening to her, or refusing to engage in conversation, do not answer a trick question. It will always end badly for you. Always. Trick questions only have one purpose, to hurt men. That’s it. Women think it’s to get information out of you by being deceitful, but their genetics know how much pain trick questions cause our gender, so they do that shit for fun. I don’t even think they are fully aware of it, but they do it, and they do that shit well.
When you get the curve ball that is a trick question, you need to be quick and alert. Train your mind for this: practice fire round questioning when you have down time to prepare yourself. It will save you a headache in the future. Trust me. Once you practice, you can divert a possible life ending question with e.g. the weather, world events, the Kardashians, Cathy down the street who is definitely fucking her brother-in-law. You’re to use anything and everything in your arsenal to avoid answering the question.