The Man Bible: A Survival Guide Read Online L.A. Casey (Slater Brothers #6.5)

Categories Genre: Funny, New Adult, Romance Tags Authors: Series: Slater Brothers Series by L.A. Casey
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Total pages in book: 8
Estimated words: 6599 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 33(@200wpm)___ 26(@250wpm)___ 22(@300wpm)
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It’s okay, don’t worry about it—You do worry about it. You worry a lot because she is thinking of a way to make you pay for whatever you did wrong. I think it’s some sort of mind trick. They use this sentence as an illusion that things between you are okay, but when you least expect it, they strike like a viper and wound your soul.

Go ahead—you do not under any circumstances go ahead. What you need to do is retreat to a safe distance and observe the situation very carefully. She is daring you to do something, not giving you permission. If you’re going to remember any of what I just said remember this--it might just save your life.

I’ll only be five minutes—no, she will fucking not! Women measure time differently to men, it’s a known fact. If she is getting ready to leave the house, five minutes is never five minutes. Five minutes only means five minutes when she warns you that’s the amount of time you have left to play your Xbox. Fact. When your woman throws this sentence your way, times it by ten, and go about your business until she announces she’s ready. It’ll save you heartache in the long run, trust me.

I just find it funny how—you’re fucked. If she says these words, you are most definitely fucked. This is not a spur of the moment sentence. No, this is a well thought out argument that she has most likely been preparing for some time, and was just biding her time waiting for you to fuck up before she hit you with an avalanche of pain. Don’t look her in the eye when she says this, keep your head low, raise your arm and show her your palm as you submit to her. She’s your alpha now, accept it.

Seriously—Backtrack, and pause. She is not asking for clarification on what you just said, she is not asking for you to repeat it, she is giving you a chance to take a step back, rethink what you just said, so you can respond with something that isn’t fucking stupid.

Maybe—the answer is no. I don’t care what you just asked, when she says this, the answer is no.

Do you think she is pretty?—If alarm bells aren’t going off like a fucking siren in your head the moment these words leave her lips, then you’re a dumbass. This is not a fucking drill, this is the real deal. Your woman wants confirmation that you think she still looks good. What you need to do is tell her that she is pretty, beautiful and everything in between and you’re not to even look at whoever it is that she is talking about. Not even a fucking glance. You’ll get brownie points for this, trust me.

We need to talk—no, she needs to talk, and you need to stop whatever shit you’re doing and listen. That’s what she’s not saying.

Loud sigh—This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal ‘fuck you’ statement often misunderstood by men. Only a moron would push a woman after she’s already released a loud sigh. I’d advise keeping your mouth shut at this point.

Soft sigh—she is content. Don’t fuck that up.

It’s up to you—wrong. So fucking wrong. Nothing is up to you, you do not make the decisions, she does. If she asks you this, she’s testing you. Do not take the bait. Pretend to be asleep.

Give me some space—this can mean a few different things. If it’s in bed, back up and let the woman breathe a little. If it’s in an argument, you better get on your knees and start apologizing before shit gets real.

I forgive you—she can live with whatever it was you did to piss her off in the first place, but it’s likely that it will be held against you for the next decade or so.

Do whatever you want—it’s time to make peace with Jesus because you’ll likely be meeting him soon. If you do anything other than remain completely still and play dead when she tells you to do what you want, you’re as good as dead for real.

When you have a second—get up off of your ass, and do whatever she wants you to do ASAP. This is a sweet little sentence with a much harsher demand behind it. Don’t argue, just smile and do as ordered. There is a one in ten chance that acting straight away may lead to a blow job. That’s the word on the street, anyway.

What did you just say?—This is a warning shot. You have one chance to rephrase whatever it was that you just said, use this emergency life with extreme caution. In other words, don’t fuck it up.

Are you going to wear that?—She hates whatever it is that you’re wearing and wants you to change immediately.


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