Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 120326 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 602(@200wpm)___ 481(@250wpm)___ 401(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 120326 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 602(@200wpm)___ 481(@250wpm)___ 401(@300wpm)
I’m so fucking jealous of my sister, my skin crawls with it. She doesn’t realise how lucky she is. I hate that she gets to spend every waking hour with Lana. I hate that she gets to touch her, gets to make her smile, gets to comfort her after I’ve been an arsehole.
I jump up from the grass.
“Where are you off to?” Dean calls after me.
“I have to talk to my sister,” I answer. “Be right back.”
“Oh, in that case tell her I want a blowjob,” he says, giving Liam a high-five.
“You’ve got more chance of giving yourself one,” I bite back.
Sasha and Lana are just walking by the wall surrounding the school when I get close to them. “Tampon! Welcome! Step inside my office,” I say with a flourish.
“Fuck off, you don’t own the school,” Sasha hisses, giving me the finger as she saunters past. Lana’s eyes get all wide before she quickly looks away from me, studying her feet. In this moment I realise how desperately I’ve missed her. I want to pick her up and squeeze her tightly to my chest. Breathe in her scent. Kiss her all over. That would be the normal thing to do to the girl you like. Unfortunately, I’ve never been normal.
She’s so shy, she clearly hasn’t been kissed before in her life, and that pleases me far more than it should. I situate myself in front of her. Some girls have run up to Sasha, asking her about her summer and her new Goth look, so her attention is diverted for the moment.
Lana stops walking and breathes deeply. Her posture is tense but resigned. She’s waiting for me to strike. Like she expects it and is fully prepared to soldier on.
I hate myself for needing this. Why can’t I just tell her I’ve been in love with her for two years? Why do I have to express myself in a way that completely opposes my true feelings? Perhaps I’m just emotionally stunted. A child of divorce, and all that.
“Look at you in your big-girl uniform.” I smirk and tug on her loose sleeve. “It doesn’t even fit you properly.”
She glances up for a second, and I suck in the connection of her eyes on mine. “My mum got me a larger size on purpose,” she practically whispers. “She says I’ll grow into it, and it’ll save us buying a new one next year.”
Her eyes get wide again, like she’s surprised she told me that.
God, her mum’s a fucking bitch. I mean, who does that to their kid? Making them wear an over-sized uniform for a whole year just to save money.
“That’s stingy as fuck,” I say. I didn’t actually mean it in a bad way, I meant it in a sympathetic way. Too bad the sympathy gets lost in translation.
Her throat moves as she swallows and makes to walk past me. I sidestep so that she can’t get by.
“So, you do realise the boys outnumber the girls here practically ten to one.”
“I know that,” she answers quietly.
“Well, are you prepared to give it up? The girl drought means even you’ll probably be getting some attention.”
I give her my best full-wattage grin.
“Give what up?” Her brow furrows in adorable confusion. God, she’s so innocent.
Ever since I lost my virginity last summer, I’ve been seeing girls in a whole new light. They aren’t the unknown anymore. And what I know of them is constantly in my head. I want to do the stuff I know to Lana.
I lean in close so my lips are a whisper away from hers. Her breathing quickens, and her cheeks colour. “Your v-card,” I tell her seductively.
She practically jumps away from me. “I’m fourteen years old,” she says in outrage and fear.
“Age won’t keep you safe from the perverts in this school. You better get ready for a threesome at the very least, an orgy if you’re feeling adventurous.”
It’s official. I’m a bastard.
She narrows her eyes. “You’re lying.”
“You wish I was lying.”
Her face is disbelieving. “This is a school. They don’t have orgies at schools.”
I laugh condescendingly. “Schools are the main places they have orgies.”
Pausing, I fold my arms, appraising her with my eyes. “I tell you what — I’ll make sure the guys know you’re off limits. Call it a ‘welcome to school’ gift.”
She stares at me, trying to figure out if I’m playing with her. “You’d do that for me?”
“Well, there would be one or two requirements,” I allow.
“Like what?”
I take two steps forward so I can look down at her. “Like letting me touch you wherever, whenever I want.”
She blinks rapidly and her eyes grow watery, but she’s stubborn. She doesn’t let the tears break free. “I hate you,” she says shakily, seething.
I love you, I think inside my head, but I don’t voice the thought. Instead, I break out the sarcasm. “Of course you do.”
“Lana, you coming?” Sasha calls from where she’s standing with her group of girlfriends.
“Yes,” she answers, relieved for the opportunity to get away from me as she rushes to my sister’s side.
Sasha gives me the evil eye from across the green, knowing I’ve been teasing Lana. I twist up my face comically and walk towards the school building just as the bell rings.
The morning classes and lunchtime pass, and I don’t see Lana again. I’m looking around every corner, trying to spot her, but she’s nowhere. Maybe she’s avoiding me. Fuck it, she has every right to avoid me. I’ve been running high off our little encounter earlier, but still I want more.
At the end of the day I’m standing with a group of my friends at the lockers, while this arsehole called Oisin from fifth year is bragging about how he shagged some blonde girl called Leanne, who apparently every guy at school wants to get with.
I’ve noticed her around, but I don’t see the appeal. She wears so much makeup that there’s always this brown stain on the inside collar of her uniform. I have a curse of noticing small things about people that either entrance or disgust me. Every time Leanne walks by me in the halls, I just fixate on that brown makeup stain. According to Oisin, she’s got a great rack, but all I ever see is the stain.