Series: Fever Falls Series by Riley Hart
Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 81272 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 406(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81272 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 406(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
“Keep going.”
“I don’t know all the details. He must have been at the race, and then he came to the hospital, I’m sure looking for a story. He heard me say I was your boyfriend. When I was talking to Beau, Ash, Cam, and Sawyer, he approached me saying he wanted to do a story on you…stuff about being the only out supercross racer, your boyfriend, stuff like that. But then I ran away and vomited. He gave Beau his card, but not before they all talked to him and he said he wasn’t going to run any kind of story without talking to you.”
“Jesus Christ, Linc! You didn’t think that was important before now? It’s been days!”
“I’m sorry! I didn’t know how to tell you, and you were having surgery, and I was freaking out because I was worried about you. What if something had gone wrong? Plus, your mom and Jude and… I’m sorry.” I turned away, embarrassed at my outburst.
Leave it to Rush to not let things alone. He used his damn good hand again to hook his stupid finger beneath my stupid chin and turn my head toward him. “I’m fine, Red. You’re a nurse. You know that wasn’t a major surgery. Nothing’s going to happen to me.”
But he could leave me…or hurt me…and I didn’t know how to open myself up to that risk. “Why do you call me Red?”
“Why do you keep asking me?”
“Because you won’t tell me? Duh.”
“Why don’t you ask yourself why that is? Maybe it’s because I know you, and you’ll freak out even though it’s not a reason to freak out. Now, I need that card so I can get ahold of that journalist. I don’t want to be known as the gay supercross racer. I want to be known as the kickass rider who works hard and wins championships.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I didn’t fix all this that day. It’s a mess.”
“It’ll be fine,” Rush replied. “It’s not like I’m in the closet. I’ll figure it out.”
Rush had a whole lot to figure out, and the last thing I wanted was to add to that, but I had and I felt like shit about it. “I fucked up. I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately.”
“Why are you afraid of letting yourself like me?” Rush asked. “Why are you afraid of seeing where this could go?”
Because the first and only time I ever thought I had feelings for someone had been a lie…and he’d betrayed me, sat back and watched, laughed as I was being ridiculed.
“Why are you so insistent on it? We had good sex. I’m a good fuck, nothing more.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t talk about yourself like that.”
I held up my hand to stop him. I really couldn’t handle him going off into all the reasons I should love myself. I did love myself—a whole lot more than I had when I was a kid. It had been a lot of work to become who I was, to feel strong and confident, and I sure as shit planned on protecting that. “Rush…”
“My dad used to cheat on my mom. Apparently, he did a whole lot of that when I was a kid…and she stayed. The first time I found out about it I was fourteen. I fucking hated him for it. I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry in my life. He was crushed, or at least I thought he was. He swore to me it would never happen again. That he couldn’t handle hurting his wife, or for me, his only son, to look at him that way. My dad has been my world, Linc. I’m where I am because of him. He worked his ass off for my career, to get money for bikes and races when I was younger. He got help. He went to therapy, and as far as I know, he was loyal to her for all those years until now. I won’t forgive him for it again. I can’t after the way he hurt her, but I also refuse to live my life differently because of his mistakes. I won’t let myself miss out because I’m afraid of being like him, or getting hurt by someone like him. If it’s something in your past, all you have to do is talk to me.”
I turned away again, closed my eyes, wished it were that easy. “We’re not all you, Rush. I can’t live my life by your rules any easier than you can live by your dad’s. That’s what makes us all who we are. People are always trying to use their own personal guidelines for others. That’s not how being human works.”
“Do you want me?”
“Rush.”
“Just tell me. If you say no, I’ll let it go. We’ll go back to being friends who don’t fuck, and I’ll never mention it again.”