Total pages in book: 75
Estimated words: 76592 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76592 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 383(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
Something wedges in my throat. Heat rushes up my neck. My mind, traitor that it is, leaps to all the ways this could feel in reverse. What if I were the one in the bed and Henry the one standing at a threshold, deciding if I was worth giving something up for?
“Tabitha?” Marjorie asks. “Are you there?”
I look over at Eli. He’s pretending not to watch me, hands stuffed in his pockets, eyes on the floor.
“I’m here,” I say.
“Will you come?” she asks.
Everything in my body, my heart, my soul wants to say yes.
But my mind, the part of me that got me into this seminar—the part that kept reading last night after the police report, after the fear, after the mess—analyzes.
Dr. Landers.
A seat that wasn’t supposed to be open.
A month of mornings with tools and afternoons with cadavers.
A real taste of the future I’ve been clawing my way toward.
If I miss even a day at the beginning, I could spend the rest of the seminar trying to catch up and never quite do it.
I tighten my grip on the phone until my fingers ache. “Mrs. Simpson,” I say, and my voice comes out too formal. “I’m glad you called me. I am. And I’m so, so glad he’s awake, and that he’s going to be okay. But I got a place in a seminar that began today. I was on a waitlist, and they don’t usually let second-years in. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I—”
“I understand,” she says, interrupting me. “You should focus on your studies.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, and I mean it with everything in me.
Silence hums on the line, muted like the air right before that storm Thursday evening when Henry and I were trapped in the barn and…
“Would you like me to tell him anything?” she finally asks.
I don’t hear any condemnation or anger in her voice. Rather, I hear only understanding.
Tell him I’m a coward. Tell him I’m choosing the future over a few quickies, though the last one was hardly a quickie. Tell him he told me there was no future with him and I listened too well.
“Please tell him I’m thinking of him,” I say instead. “Tell him I’m grateful he’s okay. That I’m cheering for him to get home soon.”
“I will,” she says. “He’ll be happy to hear it.”
We end the call. I stare at my reflection in the black phone screen until the shape of my face blurs and all I can see is regret.
“Everything okay?” Eli asks, coming closer.
“It was Angie’s mom,” I say. “Her brother had an accident at his house yesterday. He’s having renovations done, and a beam fell on his head. It gave him an epidural hematoma. He’s in the hospital.”
“Jesus.” Eli’s eyes widen. “Henry?”
I nod.
“Is he…?”
“He’s going to be okay.” I keep my tone even. “Surgery went well. He’s awake.”
“Thank God.” He cocks his head. “Why would she call you, though?”
I don’t have an answer. Except I do. I don’t say anything, but something in Eli’s eyes seems to figure out the truth.
“Are you and he…?”
I look away. “No. Not really.”
“Tabitha…” A hand on my shoulder.
I shake my head. “It wasn’t anything. We just…” I sigh.
Eli doesn’t look the least bit upset. Angie was wrong. He doesn’t feel anything for me. There’s no vibe.
“You should go,” he says.
I flinch. “I can’t.”
“Tabitha—” He stops, lets out a heavy sigh. “Look, I get it. This seminar is a big deal. But this is clearly a person you care about.”
“You just want me out of the seminar. Less competition.”
He shakes his head. “How can you even think that?”
“Relax.” I force out a chuckle. “I was kidding. I guess I’m trying to… I don’t know. Make myself feel better about everything. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done it at your expense.”
“Apology accepted.” He smiles. “Go. You can miss a few days of class.”
I shake my head. “He told me we have no future. He told me after Angie’s wedding. And I believed him.”
Eli’s expression softens. “People say things when they’re scared.”
I swallow, my throat raw. “If I leave, I’ll be the one who’s behind from day one in Dr. Landers’s class. The one nobody takes seriously. The one who had a chance and blew it. And for what? A man who told me in no uncertain terms that we have no future? No thank you.”
“He’s been through a lot. You know. With Ralph.”
I scoff. “I know that. I was there.”
He touches my elbow and guides me toward the door. “Come on,” he says. “Food. You’ll do better thinking on a blood sugar level above zero.”
We cross the quad toward the cafeteria. The sky is a beautiful blue, the exact hue of Henry’s eyes. Sprinklers start up on the lawn, hissing and throwing rainbows across sun-soaked grass.
The line in the cafeteria is short. I order a turkey sandwich, and Eli grabs two coffees and hands me one.