Total pages in book: 67
Estimated words: 60978 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 305(@200wpm)___ 244(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 60978 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 305(@200wpm)___ 244(@250wpm)___ 203(@300wpm)
“Fine,” I managed. “You’ll see for yourself how safe it is here.”
“We’ll be in touch about the exact date and time. Good afternoon.”
The call ended before I could respond. I stood frozen, phone clutched in my hand, staring at nothing. She was going to take Lily away. All the tests, all the diagnoses, all our careful explanations wouldn’t matter if Ms. Winters had decided I was an unfit mother based on where we lived and who protected us. Besides all that, what would it mean for the women and children in Haven? Would the shelter have to be closed? “This is all my fault. I should never have come here.”
My breathing came in shallow gasps, black spots dancing at the edges of my vision. The phone slipped from my fingers, clattering against the counter. I gripped the edge with both hands, trying to ground myself as waves of panic threatened to pull me under.
“Eliza?” Lavender’s voice seemed to come from far away. “Eliza, what happened?”
I couldn’t answer. My lungs refused to fill properly, each breath shorter than the last. The kitchen lights seemed too bright, the sounds too sharp. I was vaguely aware of Lavender moving beside me, her hand gently touching my shoulder.
“She’s going to take Lily. She says Haven isn’t safe. That being around the club makes my judgement suspect. She doesn’t believe the diagnosis and she’s going to petition for temporary removal.”
Pippa’s face hardened, but her voice remained gentle. “No, she’s not going to take Lily away. Lana won’t let her. None of us will.”
“You don’t understand,” I whispered, tears filling my eyes. “Ms. Winters has already decided. The medical evidence doesn’t matter to her. She thinks I’m lying about everything.”
“Then she’ll be proven wrong,” Lavender said with quiet certainty. “Listen to me, Eliza. I’ve been exactly where you are. Terrified of losing my child to a system I doesn’t understand or know how to fight. But you have something I didn’t have when I started this fight. You have all of us.”
I shook my head, unable to share her confidence. “I don’t know how to fight this. I do what she says to do, then she moves the bar. How do I finally win?”
“I know.” Lavender’s expression softened with understanding. “We’re going to figure it out together. We’re all going to help you and Lily.” She glanced out the window where Lily and Brynn were still playing. “Why don’t you let Lily stay with Brynn and me tonight? The girls adore each other, and it would give you a chance to regroup without worrying about staying strong for her.”
The suggestion immediately triggered my protective instincts. “I can’t --”
“You can,” Lavender interrupted gently. “Lily will be safe with us. And Hannah will call Lana right away to handle the legal side of things.” She squeezed my arm. “Sometimes being a good mother means recognizing when you need help.”
I looked out at Lily, laughing as she and Brynn built a tower with blocks in the courtyard. She did seem happy with Brynn, and the thought of a night without having to maintain my brave face was tempting. But the idea of being separated from her, even voluntarily, made my chest ache.
“Just for tonight,” Lavender pressed gently. “Before you completely fall apart. Lily doesn’t need to see you upset, but I really think you need a way to get all these emotions out.”
The truth of her words pierced through my resistance. Lily didn’t need to see me crumbling. She needed her strong, capable mother back, and right now, I was hanging by a thread.
“OK,” I whispered, tears spilling over. “Just for tonight.”
Lavender nodded, squeezing my hand. “You’re making the right choice. Go somewhere quiet. Fall apart. Scream. Cry. We’ll take care of everything else.”
The permission to break down was my undoing. The tears I’d been holding back for weeks -- through doctor appointments and social worker visits, through Ash’s return and Cash’s unexpected presence in our lives -- finally broke free. Lavender wrapped her arms around me as I shook with silent sobs, my carefully constructed strength washing away in a flood of fear and exhaustion.
Chapter Eleven
Eliza
I stood in Haven’s entrance, watching as Lavender led Lily and Brynn toward their apartment in the adjacent building. Lily looked back once, waving with excitement rather than concern, clearly thrilled at the prospect of a sleepover with her new friend. The sight of her happiness should have comforted me, but instead I felt a hollowness opening inside my chest. This was the first night we would be apart since her birth. Necessary or not, it felt like the first crack in my role as her mother. I wiped quickly at my eyes, determined not to let anyone see me cry again.
“Eliza.”
The voice behind me sent a jolt through my already frayed nerves. I turned to find Ash approaching, his expression creased with concern. He moved carefully, hands slightly raised as if approaching a skittish animal.