Total pages in book: 139
Estimated words: 132437 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 662(@200wpm)___ 530(@250wpm)___ 441(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 132437 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 662(@200wpm)___ 530(@250wpm)___ 441(@300wpm)
Well, shit. She’d meant go park the truck in its garage at her bolt hole.
Whatever.
There was absolutely no motivation in her at all when she finally got out, and while she walked through the snow to the door, the fact that her body ached in all the right places was just a bitch.
As she entered the cabin, she took off her parka, and instead of keeping her clothes on, she quick-ditched all of them in case there were any scents on them—oh, who was she kidding. Al was all over her, and she wanted it like that. She loved the dark spices on her skin, inside of her body, and she was going to need a hot, bracing shower and a whole lot of soap to get that marking of his off of her.
God, all she could think of was the way Al had touched her. But she needed to let that go.
Over at the robe rack, her hand automatically went to the navy blue one, and that tripped her up for a minute. Mourning. Grief. Pain.
No shit.
It took everything in her to force the royal purple one on, but she couldn’t not wear that color.
Welcome to the rest of your life, she thought.
From out of nowhere, that scene from the ancient second Star Trek movie came back to her: The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.
“Fuck you, Spock.”
Back in the snow, she closed her eyes and was not surprised it took forever to ghost out. Eventually, she did manage to scatter, and then re-form in front of the royal palace, but all she really wanted to do was turn away and go back to…
“What,” she said bitterly. “What are you going back to.”
Looking up at the nothing-special black glass building, she thought about how smart it was for the s’Hisbe to fly under the radar. Considering how invasive a species humans were, the more you could hide among them the better, using what they could do for you while at the same time staying out of their way. Her mother was so good at navigating that boundary.
And yet staying true to the old ways.
It was that legacy of smart leadership that Denne kept in mind as she entered and proceeded down to check in with her parents. Something monumental had happened in her life, and even though she couldn’t tell them any of the details, the rebounding pain inside her chest made her seek them out. It was a throwback, she supposed, to the way she’d cleaved to her mother and father as a young.
No more scraped knees now. Everything was so much more serious.
When they weren’t in, she went to t’On’s private quarters next, but only because she was girding herself for the future and hoping that maybe, just maybe, there would be a shred of comfort to be had from him. Which was stupid on so many levels, and arguably disrespectful considering she’d just slept with a male.
But when you’re heartbroken, it was an any-port-in-the-storm kind of situation.
The Tretary wasn’t home, either.
Ending up at her own place, she tried to grab a snack from her fridge, except there was a big rate limiter on that. She never put anything in the damn thing. Hungry, tired, and aching, she headed over to her bed and sat down. It was a twin, and as she looked around her room, she realized she didn’t have much in terms of material possessions. Just the black clothes she wore to the restaurant, and the robes she put on to go in and out of the s’Hisbe. There wasn’t even any furniture in here other than a dresser for underwear.
And the fridge she didn’t use.
Actually, that was an appliance, not a piece of furniture, wasn’t it.
“But I do have my truck,” she said aloud.
And she would never again see it and not think of Allhan—
How in the hell was it possible to fall in love with someone you didn’t know, and had barely met? Unless kismet actually existed—and had picked her as a beneficiary for some reason—she clearly was having a psychotic break. Either that or the pressure of mating someone she didn’t give a shit about to save the goddamn world was really getting to her.
No, that wasn’t it. Her feelings might have been ill-timed, and arguably misplaced, but they were real. Even without t’On in the picture, she would have had these emotions for Al.
And the sad thing was, as she looked around the bare walls of her room, she hadn’t realized until now how utterly unconnected she was. To everything and everyone. It was as if for her entire life, she had been waiting for something, a door to be opened, a light to shine, an interior to be revealed. And what was fucked up? All those things, those possibilities, were right in front of her when she was with Al.