Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
Kellan nodded.
After setting my drink on the coffee table, I scooted until my back rested against the couch. Kellan followed, leaning against me. I wrapped my arm around him, and he leaned his head against my chest. “Everything is changing.”
Yeah, yeah it was. Everything had been changing for a while—except me and Griff. We understood each other in that way. “That’s because we’re getting old. We’re like thirty now. That shit happens.”
“Maybe things will change between you and Griff. Maybe you’ll—”
“Don’t, Kell. Don’t do that, okay? Me and Griff will do what we do, and that has to be separate from me and you.” Because I knew what he was going to say—that maybe Griff and I would be serious, that maybe we’d end up like him and Chase, or Law and Remy, or Knox and Callum. But it was different for me. I didn’t have that to give. I felt like I was stretched too thin—Doug and Griff and Kellan, this tangle in my brain.
“Okay, but I have to say one more thing because I’m me and I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t. It’s kinda perfect when you think about it—like things have come full circle. I fell in love with my brother’s best friend. It makes sense that he should fall in love with mine too. Only to keep the pattern, that means you have to fall for your best friend’s brother, the way Chase did. Can you make that happen?”
I chuckled. This was the Kellan I knew and loved. “Is there like a button I push for that? A god I summon or something?”
“Hmm. Maybe I’ll take up witchcraft. I can conjure up a love potion.”
Fucking Kellan. “Shut up and eat a doughnut.”
“I feel like someone is always telling me to shut up.” He pulled away, and I handed him some sugary bread. I grabbed one for myself, and we each took a bite, quiet for a moment. Then Kellan broke the silence with, “I’ve been thinking about this all wrong, ya know?”
“Oh really?” I cocked a brow.
“I think so… I know you, Josh, as well as I know myself. If you’re doing this with Griff, then I think he means more to you than you’re willing to admit. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before, but it’s true, isn’t it? You’re scared. What are you scared of?”
The hairs on my arms stood on end, my chest tight and achy. I wanted to tell him I was scared, that I did care. I wanted to tell him about Doug, but if I did, Kellan would tell me I couldn’t hold on forever and that it wasn’t my fault, all sorts of things I couldn’t hear. So I rolled my eyes, pretended he was off track, and replied, “Commitment? That’s pretty scary. Or maybe crazy is a better word.”
He rolled his eyes.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not afraid of anything.”
But I was.
I stuffed a bite in my mouth. We ate and finished our coffee. We dropped the subject of Griff after that, except every once in a while when Kellan would tease me.
Things were almost normal between us, if slightly stilted, like there had been a shift. He knew I was screwing around with his brother, and he worried about Griffin’s heart. I hoped that wouldn’t always be between us now.
When I left his house, I got out to the main road before I pulled over to the side, picked up my phone, and dialed. She answered on the third ring. “Joshua, how are you? It’s been a while since we heard from you.”
“I’m doing good, Annie. Sorry. Things have been crazy. I should stay in contact better.”
“I always enjoy hearing from you. I hope you always know that, but you don’t have to apologize for time passing. You were always so good to Doug. It’s been twelve years now. Not everyone would keep in contact at all.”
I closed my eyes, rubbed a hand over my chest, and hoped it settled my rapid breathing. “I’ll always keep in touch.” We were quiet for a moment before I asked, “How is he?”
“No change. He’s still in a vegetative state. No changes in his brain activity. After all this time, I guess I don’t expect there to be, but… I know there’s no real odds of him getting better. I know I should let him go. Frank is…well, you know how Frank is, but Doug’s my boy. I can’t do it.”
My eyes started to water, but I swiped it away. Jesus, this was still so goddamned hard. I couldn’t close my eyes without seeing Doug in that bed, the machines, knowing he was there but not, alive but not living.
“Josh? Are you there?”
I cleared my throat. “Yeah, sorry. He’s your son. You love him. It’s understandable.”