Total pages in book: 98
Estimated words: 93425 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 467(@200wpm)___ 374(@250wpm)___ 311(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 93425 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 467(@200wpm)___ 374(@250wpm)___ 311(@300wpm)
It was hard to fathom where my mind was going with this. And yet . . . how could it not? How could I not wonder? There was a very good chance that all of this was just one big coincidence. But what if it wasn’t?
Pulling on my hair as I sat alone in a café around the corner from Bianco’s, I honestly had no idea what to do. I’d felt bad lying to her about the situation at the restaurant, but I had to be alone to process this. She would have definitely suspected something in my behavior if I’d stuck around.
Think.
Think.
Think.
Okay. When we had been given the information for our donor, all they gave us was a profile of her looks, health, and general background. But . . . they’d also told us that our eggs came from a woman who had donated them at no cost to help another family. I suppose that could be a coincidence, too. But the articles. Why did Amanda have them? And how could she even have found out the donor’s name? The process was supposedly completely anonymous. And why not tell me if she somehow found out? And why save the articles and not do anything else about it? What was the benefit in that?
Maybe Amanda just liked those articles.
Maybe this was all one big coincidence.
Maybe I really needed to let this whole thing go.
Forget I even thought it in the first place. But how? How could I just move on from this without knowing for certain if there’s any correlation?
What if Sadie ended up being Birdie’s donor? Wasn’t that an intrusion on Sadie’s privacy? She didn’t intend to ever find out whom she had donated to. It wasn’t fair to bring this upon her. My God. This is so fucking crazy.
Burning up, I took off my jacket and rested my head in my hands. There was no way I could broach the subject to Sadie without proof. I’d once mentioned that Amanda and I had some fertility help, but I had yet to even tell her that we’d had to use a donor egg because of the cancer treatments. Eventually, I would’ve told her and then what? She might have wondered the same thing I was wondering right now. Eventually, we’d have to face it.
If Amanda hadn’t saved those articles, none of this would even be happening. But it was too suspicious not to consider. There was no way I could alarm Sadie without proof, though. I needed to figure out a way to confirm things beforehand.
“Daddy, why are you looking at me funny?”
I hadn’t even realized I’d been staring so intently at my daughter as she sat across from me eating her pasta the following evening. All day, I’d been looking for signs of Sadie in her. They had the same blonde hair, but Birdie’s face, well . . . it was mine. She looked just like me, so her facial features weren’t going to be able to give me much of a clue.
“I’m just thinking about how beautiful you are,” I said. “And how lucky I am to have you. That’s all.”
“Oh.” She twirled her spaghetti. “When are we gonna see Sadie again?”
“Not tonight. But hopefully soon. Actually, Magdalene is coming over in a little while to babysit you so I can pay Sadie a visit.”
“Why can’t she come here?”
I had no good answer for that.
“We can do dinner some night this week here, okay?”
She shrugged. “Okay.”
Several minutes passed before she called me out again.
“Daddy . . .”
I blinked out of my daydream. “What, sweetie?”
“You’re looking at me funny again.”
I sighed. “I am, aren’t I?”
Not only was Birdie sensing that something was off, but I couldn’t risk fucking everything up with Sadie if all this worrying was in vain. Would I be staring at her like this, too? I needed to figure out a way to keep my cool with her tonight.
After Magdalene arrived, I headed over to Sadie’s apartment as fast as I could.
When she opened the door, I got the unexpected urge to pull her into my arms and just hold her. Because no matter what the truth was, I cared so much about this woman. I didn’t want her to end up feeling hurt or violated. Any decision she had made in the past was out of the goodness of her heart, and I knew that.
“What’s that for?”
Speaking into her neck, I said, “I was just thinking about how crazy I am about you. I also want to apologize for having to abruptly end our date yesterday.”
“You never have to apologize for something like that. You have so much going on. Honestly, I admire how you handle it all.”
Pulling back to look in her eyes, I said, “You know what, Sadie? I was handling it before you came along, going through the motions of life with little to look forward to for myself. Handling it all is so much easier when you have someone by your side, someone who brings you joy. Don’t ever doubt what you’ve brought into my life. I know we haven’t been together that long, but I haven’t been this happy in a very long time.”