Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 87155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 436(@200wpm)___ 349(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 436(@200wpm)___ 349(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
And I’d promptly lost my mind.
Everything I’d been bottling up came spewing out of me like a broken sewer line.
All the hate.
All the pain.
All the resentment.
My father got it all.
That wasn’t the first time I’d seen him drunk. But it was starting to become more and more frequent.
I got it. He was sad and miserable. I was too. But I didn’t ignore him twenty-four-seven.
I didn’t forget that I had a father.
I didn’t abandon him when he needed me the most.
And I sure as hell wasn’t going to destroy his only sliver of happiness if and when he finally pulled his head out of his ass and found one.
It had only been four hours since Ramsey gave me that dog.
Four hours since I had been reminded what it felt like to laugh again.
Four hours since I’d looked at my watch and counted the minutes since she had died.
I was desperate to hold on to that kind of emotional freedom.
With bitterness dripping out of me like venom, I leaned toward him and yelled, “I do know what it was like! I was here too, remember? Every single day. I watched her die.”
“What the hell do you expect from me, Thea? She was my wife!” he roared, so unlike the soft-spoken man I’d grown up with.
“I expect you to be my father!” I roared right back. “You promised her you were going to take care of me. I heard you. You swore to her that you’d make sure I brushed my teeth every morning and ate something other than microwave dinners every night. You told her you’d help me with my homework and be home by the time I got off the bus. I heard you. You told her all of that and you lied!”
His voice broke as he slid down the wall. “I didn’t lie. I just didn’t realize how hard this would be without her.”
With a heaving chest, I stared at the wet tracks streaking his hollow cheeks. I wanted to feel bad. He was a shattered man, and I was all but pouring salt in his wounds. But I couldn’t stop myself. I hated him. Everything about him. But only because I couldn’t make him love me the way I needed him to.
Frantically, I started knotting a long ribbon around the collar I’d braided out of hay twine for Sir Hairy as soon as I’d finished giving him a bath. “I’m keeping the dog. I don’t care what you say.”
Dad closed his eyes and hung his head low. “Sure. Fine. Whatever you want, Thea.”
I really just wanted my family back. I’d even settle for just my father. But they were both equally impossible and therefore worthless to hope for.
“I’m taking him for a walk.”
He nodded but didn’t say anything else.
Story of my life.
My hands were shaking and my head was swirling when I got outside. The pink Georgia sky was striped with clouds as Sir Hairy and I made our way down the driveway.
Not surprisingly, Ramsey pulled up on his bike, skidding to a stop beside me. “Hey, where ya going?”
“Away,” I mumbled, continuing past him.
Sir Hairy pulled me up short, sniffing at Ramsey’s pockets. And sure enough, Ramsey pulled out a slice of cheese wrapped in plastic.
I mean seriously, what didn’t the guy keep in those pockets?
“Hey bud?” Ramsey cooed, feeding him the cheese. “How’s it going at the new place?”
My heart raced, and my emotions were going to overflow at any second. I didn’t have time to deal with Ramsey and his never-ending chitchat.
I kept walking. “It’s going great. Just. Great.”
“Is that why I heard all that yelling?”
My whole body locked up tight, and I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. “Are you eavesdropping now too?”
He grinned. “No. I was riding my bike when your dad came around the corner and almost ran me over.”
I bit out a silent curse. Jesus. What was wrong with him? “Um… He’s not usually…” I had no idea how to finish that. Usually wasn’t really a word that applied to my dad anymore.
He’d changed so drastically over the last few months that I wasn’t sure what usually looked like for him at all. And the worst part was that also meant I didn’t know what usually looked like for me, either. I’d have killed for a single day of normalcy, even if that meant listening to her die all over again.
When further explanation failed me, I skipped right to the point. “Sorry.”
“No biggy. I survived. After he tripped on the sidewalk and went rolling down the driveway like a bowling ball, I helped him to the door. I left around the point you told him he didn’t matter.” Uncomfortable, he looked down and ruffled the dog’s ears. “Figured you’d be grounded for the next twenty years after that. I was prepping to do a search-and-rescue mission for ol’ Bologna here. Trust me when I say, this guy has no problems pissing in a closet if you don’t take him out regularly.” His dark eyes came back to mine as he reached for the leash. “Maybe I should hold on to him for a few days until you get things worked out with your dad.”