Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 87155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 436(@200wpm)___ 349(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 436(@200wpm)___ 349(@250wpm)___ 291(@300wpm)
He barked a humorless laugh. “Now that’s the damn truth.”
I lowered myself to the carpet within arm’s reach, but I was careful not to touch him. “Ramsey, you aren’t dragging filth into my life. You aren’t filth.”
He thrust a hand into the top of his hair. “No. But I’m not the man you deserve, either. You should be sitting on a porch swing, carefree with your hair blowing in the wind right now, not cleaning up your house after the cops stormed in and tore the place apart searching for drugs. You deserve better than this, but from the day I took that plea bargain, I knew trouble and disgrace was all I’d ever be able to give you. And let me tell you, that is a hard fucking pill to swallow when you’re in love with a woman. But it’s the truth. You deserve better than me. I knew it then. I know it even more after today. You gotta let me go, Thea. You just have to.”
A mixture of panic and anger rolled through me like a chill. “Don’t start this shit again. It didn’t work out for you when you got locked up and it’s sure as hell not going to work out after what we did this morning.”
“I can’t take care of you. If you stay with me, you’ll always be one step away from going back to that prison too. Whether I do three more years and finish my sentence or if Caskey manages to pin something on me and I go back for another decade, either way you’ll be alone all over again. I can’t be responsible for that.” He pounded the spot over his heart. “You gotta help me out here. I barely lived through it the first time. I need you to hate me. I need you to leave and never look back.”
My head snapped to the side as if he’d slapped me. And in a way, he had. Over and over and over again for twelve fucking years. But for once, I was starting to understand why.
Ramsey was a caretaker. He’d done it for his mom when she’d been married to his abusive father. He’d done it for Nora when they were growing up. And he’d done it for me, on and off throughout our entire relationship.
And when he’d left, I’d been alone. So tragically alone.
But that wasn’t the way my life stayed forever. After Ramsey was arrested my dad stepped up and resumed his role in my life. Girls like Tiffany came out of the woodwork after they found out what Josh had done to me, leaving me with more friends than I knew what to do with. Then Nora moved in and we shared a room, which sometimes made me wish like hell I could have been alone again.
Because being alone wasn’t my deepest darkest fear.
It was his.
“There was never a day when I didn’t want you to be mine, Sparrow. I just loved you enough to hope you wouldn’t have to be.”
Have to be.
Have to be.
Like being his was a chore or an option.
Nora had been right for all those years. Ramsey was still very much in love with me. Time had changed a lot of things, but that was not one of them. Convicted felon or not, he was a good man. With good intentions. And a good heart.
Unfortunately, he was so damn stupid.
“You’re right,” I whispered, crawling over to him.
He sucked in a sharp breath. “I am?”
I swung a leg over his hips to straddle his lap and wrapped my hands around either side of his neck. “Yeah. My life would be easier without you.”
His forehead wrinkled, and his brow furrowed. “I’m sorry, Thea. I’m so damn sorry. I never should have left you that night.”
I had no idea if he was referring to when he’d left me in the tent or when he’d left me to run over Josh with his car. It didn’t matter. Regret was nothing but a chain tethering you in the past.
I rested my forehead on his and rubbed my thumbs over the stubble on his jaw. “So, when are we going to do it?”
“Do what?”
“Ride a time machine into the past and make it so we never met at all.”
He leaned away and curled his lip. “What?”
I feigned confusion. “That’s what you’re proposing, right? We go back in time and when my mother dies, I go to my room and lock the door instead of going to the Wynns’ tree. You jump out, break your own damn leg. Boom. My life is all rainbows and unicorns.” I tilted my head to the side and tapped my lips. “No, wait. Josh would still be alive, and now, he’d be sitting next to me in fifth grade. I’m not sure that would have ended any differently. Okay, what about—”