Total pages in book: 125
Estimated words: 120631 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 603(@200wpm)___ 483(@250wpm)___ 402(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 120631 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 603(@200wpm)___ 483(@250wpm)___ 402(@300wpm)
“They say bargaining is a stage of grief. You were a kid who just lost his mom. Don’t beat yourself up about it. We all have intrusive thoughts.”
He swallowed tightly, recalling how long it had taken those thoughts to fade. They finally stopped when his dad died. But no matter how many pennies he threw into that creek, his mom never came back.
“I never once wished he would come back.”
“That doesn’t mean you didn’t love him.”
Did he love his father?
Could you love and hate someone at the same time?
He glanced at Jocelyn, realizing those two emotions were more related than most people realized. “I thought I hated you for so long.”
She looked up at him with a flat, deadpan stare. “You did hate me, Soren. Until I showed you my boobs.”
“No, I didn’t. You got under my skin because no matter what I did, you were never impressed by me. You were so damn pretty—even in the third grade when the rest of us were trapped in that buck-toothed awkward stage.”
She laughed. “I was just as awkward as everyone else. Besides, I was the new kid in town. I needed to make girlfriends before I could care about the boys.”
“You showed up like a hurricane, inserting yourself so brazenly, no one had the balls to question you.” He chuckled. “You were the most confident girl I’d ever met. And part of me hated you for it, because I knew it would make it that much harder to impress you.”
“Why did you care what I thought of you?”
“You were beautiful. Every guy had a crush on you.”
She snorted. “Yeah, right.”
“I mean it. Then, once you got boobs, forget about it. We were all tripping over ourselves trying to get close to you.”
“Stop lying. I barely got asked out.”
“That’s because you terrified us. You were smart, quick with a joke, edgy, and sexy as hell. You had this look about you, unlike any other girl. Even your clothes were one of a kind.”
“According to you, it was only what was under my clothes that mattered.”
“That’s never been true, Joce. You’re sharp and funny, and you used to humiliate the balls off of me for sport.” He laughed. “I’d walk into school with a hundred-dollar haircut and designer jeans, and you’d annihilate me in one breath.”
“Sorry.”
“You should be. You made me question everything. But then I’d find myself in bed at night, fuming, wondering why you were such a bitch to me. I’d lose sleep over it.”
She sighed, but it wasn’t a pleasant sound. Hearing this was stressing her out.
“So I started jerking off.”
“What?” She drew back, her face appalled.
“Yeah,” he grinned proudly. “I’d picture you all pissed off, but without clothes. I imagined you in every position possible, begging and moaning, as I’d come all over you.”
“You fucking pervert.”
He grinned. “Sometimes I came so hard I saw stars.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I know it pisses you off.” He bumped his shoulder against hers. “I mentally violated you for years and you didn’t have a clue.”
“You’re a pig.”
“Yup.” He shifted his foot, walking it two inches to the right so he could brush the sole of his shoe against the sole of her boot. “Imagine my shock when you took your shirt off and actually shoved my hand in your panties that day.”
Her head lowered, and her hair fell over her shoulder, hiding her face.
“God, it was better than any fantasy I ever had. You were so wet. So warm. I thought, this is my chance to get back at you for all the times you embarrassed me, for the years you tortured me.” Something shifted in his chest as he remembered how easily he could have seized that overdue retribution. “But I couldn’t do it.” He swallowed, his throat tight. “The second you touched me, I was…lost. Even when I tried to use you, tried to tell myself I earned the right and paid my dues, there was something there, under the surface, that made it impossible for me to cross that line.” He reached for her, closing his hand around her fingers, around the penny. “I think it’s always been there, Joce, this protective bond we have for each other. And I think you’re scared because you feel it, too.”
He took her silence as a good sign. It had to mean something that she wasn’t bolting.
In the process of trying to convince her, he’d validated a few things for himself.
He hadn’t lied when he told her how much he wanted her. She wasn’t the only one nervous about what came next. He liked her enough that he didn’t want to screw this up. But the longer he confessed his feelings, the more he realized how deeply he truly felt for her. And while she might fling out four-letter words like a trucker in traffic, there was one four-letter word he knew she couldn’t handle. Not yet, at least. So he said as much as he could without saying too much.