Total pages in book: 55
Estimated words: 51624 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 258(@200wpm)___ 206(@250wpm)___ 172(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 51624 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 258(@200wpm)___ 206(@250wpm)___ 172(@300wpm)
After slipping on one of Bear’s old tees that Cross gave me, I put my favorite lotion on. The smell of coconut permeates the air and makes me smile. It was Bear’s favorite scent. When we first met, we always promised that one day we’d have a house on the beach and spend our days lazing in the sun and making love under the moon. Neither of us believed it would happen, but the dream was something that kept us going. The memory is bittersweet now. Just like the rest of them.
I was hoping the shower would calm my inner thoughts. It didn’t. I find myself walking over to my window and looking up at the stars.
“Bear, I miss you. Would you be upset with me for dancing with Lake tonight? I feel so guilty. I enjoyed it, which makes me worry I’m betraying you. And there were times all night that I was wishing that you were him. I wanted to be there with you, and I know that’s not fair to Lake, even if we are just friends. I feel like a horrible person. I miss you.”
I close my eyes and let the silent tears fall. I know better than to bottle them up. That’s not healthy for me, and I’d rather not have a complete meltdown. If I do that and Winnie or Cross finds out … I shudder to think what they’d do to be honest. I finally turn out all the lights except for a lamp. Then, I walk to the bedroom. It’s dark except for the bottom part of my bedside lamp. The top is a regular lamp, but the middle is a globe that can be turned on by itself, bathing the room in a soft, yellowish glow that’s relaxing and pale enough that it doesn’t keep me from sleeping. It helps to have it on. I don’t keep rooms dark anymore. Darkness hides monsters. Darkness leaves me disoriented when I wake up from the nightmares. When that happens, I turn into a basket case quickly.
I push the thoughts away. I climb into bed and pull the covers up. I turn onto my side and look at the two framed photos on my nightstand. One is of me and Dad. I smile at it because it was before he became so sick. The second photo is of me and Bear at the community fundraiser years ago. It was when we reconnected and began having lunch or dinner together at Subway. Sunny took it of the two of us, and in the photo, I’m staring up at Bear with stars in my eyes. I close my eyes and think back to that day. I can still feel his arm around my back, his hand stretched over my hip. His lips pressed against the top of my head as the scent of tobacco and his cologne enveloped me. I picture the lazy smile on his lips when he looked down at me. “I love you,” I whisper, the words slurred as sleep tries to claim me.
I smile as I let it, imagining Bear smiling down at me, his fingers combing through my hair. Just before I let go completely, Bear’s face morphs into Lake’s. I open my mouth, begging him not to leave. He gives me a sad smile and stays, but I can tell he’s not happy.
Does he want to leave me?
Everything fades to black, and I let sleep claim me. I’m afraid to call him back and have him answer the question.
14
STANDING WATCH
BEAR
I stand down from Livy’s cabin, hiding behind the bushes so that her brother can’t catch me. I don’t know where he is, but I know he wouldn’t let her go even a minute without having her watched. She’s in danger. I can’t let him touch her again. I have to protect her and our child. Now that I’m healed up, I can do it. I take a long drag from my cigarette. It helps calm me. Hell, I’ve smoked half a pack tonight. The urge to break in and claim Livy again is so strong that the need causes me to tremble. I know I can’t. Not yet. Soon, though. Soon I will find her brother and kill him. Then I can go to her. Then she will be safe.
I frown. I don’t know how she ended up here on this ranch. It’s secure, though. I’m glad she found them. I’m disappointed in my brothers, especially Blade. What the fuck is he doing leaving Livy alone? He’s supposed to love her as much as I do. If he thinks I’m going to stand back again—especially now that I know he’s not taking care of her—he’s wrong. I gave him a chance, but after the way Ayita betrayed me, that’s over.
My gaze automatically goes to her window. Through the curtain, I see her silhouette. My cock instantly goes rock hard. It’s been too long since I’ve held her in my arms. I must make sure she’s safe. The minute I have her brother contained, I’m done waiting. I’ve seen how all the men on this ranch look at her. My brother might be an idiot, but I lost her once being stupid. It won’t happen again. Livy is my forever. Being with her is the only time I feel whole. I’m so damn tired of trying to exist without her. I can’t hold back much longer. I’m barely making it now. The only thing that stops me is the knowledge that her brother is out there waiting …