Total pages in book: 187
Estimated words: 174623 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 873(@200wpm)___ 698(@250wpm)___ 582(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 174623 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 873(@200wpm)___ 698(@250wpm)___ 582(@300wpm)
"He's in counseling now," Traci says.
"He was in marriage counseling before," Kayla says, an edge to her tone that makes me a little uneasy.
"I'm not saying people can't change," I interject. "Some do, but real change isn't crying after someone hurts you, or making promises, or buying flowers, or even blaming their own childhood trauma for their abuse. Real change happens after years of accountability, intervention programs, and therapy. Real change means no excuses, no red flags, and regrettably, statistics show that a lot of men aren't willing to put in that much work because they can justify their actions based on their partners' behaviors."
"Can you explain that last part differently?" Melissa asks.
"How many of you heard that if you hadn't done ABC, then I wouldn't have had to do XYZ?"
Every woman in the group raises her hand.
"How many of you changed your behavior only for them to find another reason to punish you or use some form of violence to correct the behavior?"
Another round of hands goes up.
"How many of you made those corrections with the hope that it would fix every single thing that ever went wrong?"
A third round of hands go up.
"It's the hope that is our worst enemy," I say. "Not the black eyes, not the bruises. Hope. It's what keeps women there through the fifth apology, the tenth apology. You have to ask yourself, has he changed, or has he just gotten better at apologizing? Because those two things aren't the same thing."
A murmur of consideration works its way through the group.
"I will never tell someone that a person can't change. What I urge you to keep in mind is that love won't change him. Staying won't change him. Losing you will likely not change him. The only person who can change him is him, and statistically, that doesn't happen as often as women deserve."
Chapter 19
Nyx
Of course, Holler wanted to change positions when the women stepped back out for a group meeting.
I've stood here, my focus on patrolling and making sure they're safe, but also listening to every word they've said.
I'll never be violent against a woman, but some of them need to have some sense shaken into them.
They're taking the steps to lead lives independent of their abusers, while some are still making excuses.
I fully understand the cycle of abuse. I studied it for years, applying it to my everyday life for decades, in fear that I would become my father, knowing from what happened to me growing up that it’s a statistical likelihood was high.
I did learn a few things from what Juliet spoke about, and how it applied to my life and my mother's while my father was still alive. I even recognize a lot of the transference now through therapy with Slick, of how abusive my mother had been before she died.
The woman at Cottonwood concerns me, the begging not to hurt her husband. I know it increases the likelihood that she'll go back to him. I can only hope she'll finally get away before she is killed or her son is put in the same position I was. It's not an easy thing to live with, and it sculpted my entire life.
"Travis was only ever violent when he was drinking," Dana says.
"You have to ask yourself, did he drink so he had an excuse for the abuse, or did drinking lead to the abuse?" Juliet asks.
"He blamed me when he drank. My behavior stressed him out, so he turned to whiskey," she explains.
"What a load of bullshit," the new girl, Kayla, snaps.
"He said he’s stopped drinking," Dana says, her voice a little weaker than before.
I open my mouth to remind her that he was clearly drunk today, knowing it isn't my place to interject anything to these women, but Kayla beats me to it.
"I watched the entire thing from my bedroom window," Kayla begins. "Does he always have such a hard time standing back up when he falls? Because he was either drunk off his ass or he's got a major equilibrium problem."
Silence coats the back patio.
"Do we have to use foul language?" Traci asks.
"Really?" Kayla snaps.
"Kayla," Juliet warns. "We're to remain respectful at all times."
A scoff echoes through the fence, and I know it has to be Kayla, annoyed that she’s been reprimanded.
"Dana," Juliet says, turning her attention to the other woman. "Travis had been drinking today. I don't know how long his sobriety lasted, but he wasn't sober this morning."
"I left him and took the kids," she says, the sound of tears coating her voice.
"If he blames you for leaving and drinks because of that, it's another form of abuse," Caroline says in a softer tone than what Kayla chose to use. "Right, Juliet?"
"Yes. He chooses his actions, even if he blames someone else for them. That's not a change. It's a continuation of abuse," Juliet explains. "Genuine change is based almost entirely on accountability. He has to take accountability for his actions, controlling how he responds to any situation without pointing fingers."